Why Should We Stop Just Because the Devil Gets in the Way?
Wherefore we would have come unto you, even I Paul, once and again; but Satan hindered us.
— 1 Thessalonians 2:18
If you are going to do anything significant for the Kingdom of God, you must know in advance that Satan will not be delighted about it. He will try to stop you, thwart you, and dissuade you from staying on track. The last thing he wants is for you to step into the middle of God’s will for your life, because he knows the moment you do, mighty and powerful things will begin to happen that negatively affect his dark kingdom. Therefore, Satan will most definitely do all he can to keep you from getting where God wants you to be!
In the January 17 Sparkling Gem, we looked at a key word in First Thessalonians 2:18. Today I want us to look at this scripture again, for in this verse, Paul gives his own testimony of how Satan tried to hinder him from doing what God put in his heart. He wrote, “Wherefore we would have come unto you, even I Paul, once and again; but Satan hindered us.”
The word “hindered” is the Greek word egkopto. As noted earlier, this word was used to depict a runner who was elbowed out of the race by a fellow runner. However, it was also used to picture the breaking up of a road to make it impassable for travelers. This kind of impasse made it impossible for a traveler to get where he needed to go. As a result, the traveler’s trip was hindered, delayed, postponed, or temporarily put off. The traveler could still take another route to get to the same destination, but the alternate route was inconvenient, cost a lot of extra money, and took precious time that could have been used another way.
By using this word, Paul informs us that demonic attacks inconvenienced him on occasion. Satan craftily sought to abort advances of the Gospel by arranging unexpected problems that delayed, postponed, and hindered the missions God had placed on Paul’s heart. But did Paul sit down and cry because plans didn’t work out as he intended? Did he throw in the towel and quit? No!
The apostle Paul never stopped just because the devil tried to get in his way! No impasse or roadblock was going to stop him! He refused to take no for an answer! He was going to get the job done, regardless of the inconvenience, money, time, or effort involved. He was so stubborn about doing what he was called to do that he always found a way to do it.
An example of this is the time Paul left the city of Ephesus because his life was in danger (see Acts 19 and 20). Paul had given three years of his life to the believers in Ephesus. When he left, he could have cried, “Oh, I don’t understand why the Lord let this happen! He knows how much I love the leadership of Ephesus!” Paul could have bemoaned, “Now I’ll never see the Ephesian believers again. The devil has attacked me, and the door to Ephesus is permanently closed for me!”
But Paul understood that crying and lamenting don’t change a thing. So instead, he went down the road to the seaside town of Miletus and secured a facility for a meeting. Then he called for the elders of Ephesus to meet him there! Paul figured if he couldn’t go to Ephesus, why not invite the leadership to come see him? Why resign himself to defeat just because he had hit an impasse in the road? Paul knew that there is more than one way to accomplish a goal. So he put his brain to work and found a way to do what God wanted him to do.
Why should we stop just because the devil gets in the way? If that were the case, we might as well stop everything we’re doing for the Lord right now! There will never be a time that the devil just lets us do what is in our hearts. We must be determined to keep doing what we’re called to do even if the devil tries to slam the door shut in our faces.
So what if Satan shut the door to Ephesus? That was a good time for Paul to look for a open window! If he couldn’t go to the elders, why not call them to him? Paul discovered an open window in Miletus. He called for the leaders, met with them, and finished his assignment, exactly as God had ordered him to do. Mission accomplished!
You see, Paul had an attitude that would not give up. It didn’t matter how much opposition was leveled against him, he had already decided he would outlive the opposition. Somehow he’d find a way to do what God had called him to do.
You can do anything God calls you to do too! Determine in your heart that you will not allow Satan to do anything to stop you, thwart you, or dissuade you from staying on track with the assignment God has given you. God’s will for your life is where mighty and powerful things are going to happen! That is why the devil is putting up such a fuss to try to keep you from getting there. He’s afraid of what will happen if you actually do what God has put in your heart to do.
So dig in your heels, and determine that you are not giving in or giving up. Refuse to back up or relent, and keep on pressing ahead. The devil may have put an impasse in the road before you, but that doesn’t mean the show is over! If you’ll listen to the Holy Spirit, He’ll show you another route to get you where you need to be.
The Holy Spirit needs a partner who is committed. So just commit yourself to pressing ahead, regardless of the opposition. As you do, the Spirit of God will empower you to conquer every attack that comes against you. Then He will masterfully show you another and more effective way to fulfill your divine assignment. In the end, the devil will be sorry he messed with you!
My Prayer for Today
Lord, I ask You to help me stay fiercely committed to fulfilling the assignment You have given to me. Forgive me for the times I’ve given in to weakness and allowed myself to complain when I should have grabbed hold of Your strength and pressed full steam ahead. I repent for allowing my flesh to talk me into moments of defeat. Today I choose to push forward to do exactly what You’ve told me to do. Holy Spirit, if the devil creates an impasse for me, please show me a better route to take so I can fulfill my divine assignment!
I pray this in Jesus’ name!
My Confession for Today
I confess that I am led by the Holy Spirit and that He shows me how to get around every obstacle the devil tries to put in my path. No impasse the devil puts before me is sufficient to prevent me from achieving what Jesus has asked me to do and to be. I refuse to accept no for an answer, and I reject any temptation to quit. I am empowered by the Spirit of the Almighty God, and I can do anything He will ever ask me to do!
I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!
Questions to Answer
1. Has there been a time in your life when it seemed like an impasse stood between you and what God wanted you to do? How did you respond to that impasse?
2. If you listened to the Holy Spirit and found another, better route to finish the task before you, did it thrill your heart to realize that He knows how to get around every attack of the enemy? What did you learn by following the Holy Spirit rather than allowing discouragement to hold you back from fulfilling your divine assignment?
3. Who are the people in your life who seem blocked from doing what God wants them to do? Could you be an encouragement to these individuals by contacting them and sharing how God supernaturally led you around impasses in the past?
You Will Receive Exactly What You Believe!
…If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.
— Mark 9:23
I cannot begin to count the times people have told me, “Rick, no one has ever been able to do what you’re attempting to do in your part of the world. We know several who tried to do it in the past, but they failed and ended up in a mess. So be careful, because it is highly unlikely that you’ll be able to achieve what you are attempting to do!”
This kind of “doom-and-gloom” prediction has been made to us over the years more times than we can number. People have told us that nearly everything we have ever done is impossible.
For instance, people said it was impossible to broadcast God’s Word on television in our part of the world, but we did it anyway. We were told it was impossible for a foreigner to have a great impact on national pastors and churches, but we’re having an amazing impact that is affecting thousands of pastors and churches. When we started churches in several key cities, we were warned, “No one has ever been able to establish a big church in those cities, and you won’t be able to do it either.” But with God’s help, we did it, and today those cities have large, powerful churches that are flourishing!
When God called us to start our church in the heart of Moscow, people came crawling out of the woodwork to tell us, “Moscow is the seat of demonic principalities and powers. This heavily concentrated demonic influence is so strong that no one has been able to break through and establish a powerful church in the heart of Moscow. We want to prepare you so you won’t be too disappointed, because you probably won’t be able to do it either!”
When I heard that, I laughed out loud! Jesus said, “…If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth” (Mark 9:23). Jesus made it plain — if we will believe, all things will be possible to us!
The word “possible” is the Greek word dunata, which comes from the word dunatos. It expresses the idea of ability; power; one who is able and capable; or one who is competent. The word dunatos shares the same root with the word dunamis, which is the Greek word for power. This emphatically tells us that there is a power that causes one to become able, capable, or competent for any task. When this explosive power comes on the scene and begins to operate in an individual’s life, it doesn’t matter how unfit or unqualified he was before; this power energizes him and makes him capable for the task before him.
But who is this person who can accomplish impossible feats? Jesus said that all things are possible to him “that believeth.” The word “believeth” is the Greek word pisteuonti, from the word pistis, the Greek word for faith. However, when pistis becomes pisteuonti, as in this verse, it pictures a person who is believing. This is not someone who once had an experience of faith in the past; rather, this is a person who is presently believing right now. He didn’t just believe in the past; he is a believer. His faith is actively reaching forward right now to grab hold of what God has promised. His faith is habitually, constantly, consistently, unwaveringly straining forward to take hold of that desired goal he sees before him!
You see, faith is the spark that ignites the impossible and causes it to become possible. When a person’s faith is activated, it sets in motion supernatural power that enables that person to do what he normally would never be able to do! This is why Jesus said, “…If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.” Once faith has been activated and remains activated, a person becomes enabled and empowered so that he is capable and competent to do whatever it is God has told him to do. That person can even do the impossible!
When I receive a new mandate from God to push forward into new and uncharted territory, I don’t let fear and doubt flood my mind. Instead, I immediately begin renewing my mind to believe that I can do anything God has asked me to do. If He has told me to do something — regardless of how big or how impossible it seems to the natural mind — then I tell myself that I can do it. After all, if it couldn’t be done, why would He tell me and our team to do it?
The fact is, in God all things are possible, so it’s up to me and the others on my team to get our thinking in line with God’s Word. And as I build up my faith to the level it needs to be for the new challenge, I experience an explosion of supernatural power in me that literally carries me over into the realm where impossible things becomes possible!
Jesus made it very clear that we receive exactly what we believe. If I believe I can do the impossible, I will do it. But if I believe I cannot do the impossible, I will not do it. When I look at those who have warned me about all the things they thought couldn’t be done, most of those people have done nothing. In other words, they have gotten exactly what they have believed for! But because we dared to believe, today we are standing in the middle of many accomplished “impossible” assignments that others said could never happen. They were wrong!
Never underestimate the power of faith! Make sure you are thinking and believing correctly — because what you believe is exactly what you will receive!
My Prayer for Today
Lord, since Your Word says all things are possible to the one who believes, I am asking You to help me renew my mind to believe I can do anything You ever ask me to do with my life. Help me to truly understand that there is absolutely nothing impossible to me when I believe. I so regret the times I’ve listened to voices of doubt and unbelief who talked me out of the great victories You had in store for me. With the assistance of the Holy Spirit, I will shut my ears to the voices of unbelief from this moment forward. I release my faith today to believe that ANYTHING is possible for me to do, as long as You are the One asking me to do it!
I pray this in Jesus’ name!
My Confession for Today
I confess that I can do anything God puts in my heart to do. Nothing is impossible to me, because everything is possible to him who believes! I believe God’s Word. I believe I can do what He tells me to do. I believe the vision He put in my heart is achievable. Because I believe, I will receive the impossible!
I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!
Questions to Answer
1. Can you think of instances in your life when the Lord put a dream in your heart that others thought was impossible, but you stood strong in your faith and refused to let those voices of unbelief affect you? In time did you see that dream come to pass?
2. How would you be different today if you hadn’t believed and held fast to what God had told you until you saw the manifestation of that promise?
3. Is there a specific dream that God’s Spirit has put in your heart during this present season of your life? Does it seem too big for you? Since everything is possible to him who believes, are you willing to release your faith today and start believing for the impossible to come to pass in your life?
If You Love Life And Want To See Good Days
For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it.
— 1 Peter 3:10,11
Do you want a good marriage? Do you want to live a long and happy life with your spouse? If your answer is “Yes, that’s exactly what I want,” you need to pay close attention to the words of Peter recorded in First Peter 3:10,11. It says, “For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it.”
Peter tells us that if a spouse wants to experience a full life and see good days together with his or her mate, that spouse must learn to “…refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile.” The word “refrain” is the word pauo, which means to pause. It means to take a break; to take a rest; or to cease from what one is doing. The word “evil” is the Greek word kakos, the word for something that is evil, vile, foul, or destructive. In this context, it implies ugly words that, when spoken, bring destruction and harm.
Can you think of a time when you got so angry that you exploded and spewed destructive words? Were you sorry later that you said those words? That is what Peter is talking about here. He is basically saying, “If you want to have a long and happy life together, you have to learn how to refrain from saying ugly, hurtful, and destructive things to each other. It’s time for you to cease from this behavior!”
Then Peter urges husbands and wives to make sure their lips “speak no guile.” The word “guile” is the word dolos, an old Greek word that carries the idea of trickery and manipulation.
Manipulation and dishonesty are destructive to a marital relationship. When a husband and wife manipulate, deceive, or lie to each other, they create an atmosphere of distrust that disrupts their ability to maintain a peaceful, harmonious home. Talk to any marital counselor, and he or she will tell you that deception and manipulation in a marriage is very destructive to the trust that is required to keep the marriage relationship strong. That’s why Peter urges spouses to stay out of the deception and manipulation business!
So if you want to have a good life and a happy marriage, you must learn to take a lifelong break from speaking evil. You must also determine in your heart that you will no longer play the manipulation game with your spouse! Peter says that instead of taking that wrong route, you must “eschew evil.”
The word “eschew” is the Greek word ekklino, from the word ek and klino. The word ek means out, and the word klino means to turn. When they are used as one word, it means to turn aside or to intentionally turn away from something.
This means that instead of following the volatile and destructive patterns that have been a part of the marriage for so long, a spouse who wants to change must determine to put aside these negative practices. There must be an intentional turning away from every destructive behavior pattern and an intentional turning toward those actions that build trust and make a relationship strong and healthy. This is why Peter goes on to say that spouses must “do good.”
The word “do” is the word poieo, the Greek word that means to do something. But as noted earlier (see January 15), the word poieo also carries with it the idea of creativity. In other words, if we can’t easily think of a way to do good to our spouses, we need to get creative and put some effort into thinking of ways to bless and to be a blessing to them!
The word “good” is the word agathos, a word that suggests actions that are good, profitable, beneficial, and virtuous. So if you want your marriage to be blessed, strong, long-lasting, and healthy, you must deliberately look for ways to be a blessing. Find ways to become a benefit to your spouse!
Peter tells husbands and wives to “seek peace” instead of constantly getting into conflicts with each other. The word “seek” is the Greek word zelos. It describes a fierce determination to have something or to become something. The Greek tense Peter uses when he writes the word zelos implies a constant and arduous seeking to obtain something, not just an occasional attempt. This person is straining forward with all his might. He is committed; he has a never-give-up attitude; and he will not stop until he finally obtains that which he deeply desires!
What is the treasure that Peter tells spouses to seek after? Peace! Anyone who has been successfully married for a long period of time will tell you that “peace” in a marriage doesn’t happen accidentally. If a husband and wife are able to live together in peace and harmony, they have achieved that goal through hard work, patience, understanding, and a never-give-up desire to have peace in their relationship.
Many events and misunderstandings can occur to disrupt peace in a relationship, so your desire for marital peace must be stronger than any of these other forces. If you’re not totally fixed on having peace with your spouse, the devil will find a way to constantly get in between the two of you.
Peter says that if you’re going to have this kind of peace between you and your spouse, you must “ensue” it. The word “ensue” is the Greek word dioko, an old Greek word that means to hunt, to chase, or to pursue. It was a hunting term used to illustrate a hunter who is so committed to getting his trophy that he goes out into the forest and begins to literally stalk that animal. He follows the tracks and the scent of the animal; he watches, waits, and strategizes. And because of the hunter’s careful planning and determined following of that animal, eventually he gets his game!
Isn’t it interesting that Peter would use this word to tell us how we should seek after peace? This means peace won’t come to us by accident. If we are going to have peace in our relationships — especially our marital relationship — we must put on our hunting clothes and develop a plan for peace! If necessary, we must be willing to stalk peace — following its tracks and its scent and, with the help of the Holy Spirit, strategizing on how to finally obtain peace in our marriage relationship!
Remember, we live in a day when marriages are quickly made and quickly dissolved. Therefore, if you see a healthy marriage that has lasted through many years, realize that this couple has worked very hard to have such a good relationship.
I urge you to take Peter’s words deep into your heart. Determine to do everything you can to make your marriage strong and healthy. It’s going to take hard work and commitment to make it happen. But if you want to experience a happy, fulfilling life with your spouse, every bit of that hard work will be well worth it in the long run!
My Prayer for Today
Lord, help me to become more committed to my marriage. Forgive me for being a contributor to strife and conflict, and teach me how to refrain my tongue from speaking evil so I can bring benefit and blessing to my spouse. Open my heart and my eyes, Lord. Show me things I can do to encourage my mate. No one has more influence in my spouse’s life than I do, so I am asking You to help me to be the right kind of influence he (or she) needs!
I pray this in Jesus’ name!
My Confession for Today
I confess that I am a great encouragement to my spouse! I work hard on my marriage. I find ways to be a blessing. The Spirit of God is showing me the steps I need to take to obtain peace with my spouse. I am not a source of conflict, and I refuse to let the devil use me any longer. From this day forward, the enemy will not use my lips as his entryway into my marriage. I will do everything needed to make my marriage strong and healthy, just the way Jesus wants it to be!
I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!
Questions to Answer
1. Can you think of a time when you got so angry at your spouse that you said a lot of ugly, destructive words to him or her? How did your poisonous words affect the outcome of that particular conflict? Did you ever allow God’s peace to resolve that situation by humbly asking your spouse for forgiveness?
2. What can you do to make sure you don’t make the same mistake the next time you are dealing with an emotionally charged situation in your marriage?
3. Can you think of some good things you can do to bless your spouse in the days ahead as you seek to establish God’s peace as the abiding force in your marriage? Get creative!
Do Not Render Evil for Evil Or Railing for Railing
Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.
— 1 Peter 3:9
One day when I was flying on a plane, I noticed that the woman next to me seemed to be seething about something. I asked her if everything was all right, and she erupted in anger about something her husband had done to her. She angrily said, “I am furious at my husband. I’m so mad at him that I am determined to find a way to pay him back for what he did to me! You just watch! I’m going to get him so badly that he’ll be sorry for the rest of his life for his actions! By the time I’m finished, he’ll be sorry he messed with me!”
As I listened to this woman vent these very angry emotions, I thought of how many husbands and wives in the world would probably say these same words about one another from time to time. Her words grieved me deeply, for I knew the raging conflict between this woman and her husband, if not properly resolved and reconciled, would be the key that unlatched the door to their marriage, enabling the devil to come inside and inflict serious harm to their relationship.
The way a husband and wife respond to conflict and disappointment is very important. They can choose to be forgiving and merciful, allowing the conflict and the improper attitudes and behavior to be covered by the blood of Jesus. If they make this choice, the two of them will be empowered to walk in peace, to experience uninterrupted unity, and to remain the powerful team God intended them to be as husband and wife.
However, a married couple can also choose to constantly remind one another of their past wrongs and failures, holding each other hostage by laying the blame and guilt for every problem at one another’s feet. If the couple chooses this latter course, they will open the door for the devil to get into their relationship and make a mess of their marriage.
When Peter writes to husbands and wives in First Peter 3, he urges them not to let this kind of wicked behavior be a part of their married lives. He says, “Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:9).
Notice that Peter says, “Not rendering evil for evil….” The King James Version I am quoting begins with the word “not” because the Greek denotes a strong prohibition to stop something that is already in progress. The implication is that the husbands and wives to whom Peter was writing were already carrying out these improper and destructive actions; therefore, he was strongly warning and forbidding them to stop this wrong behavior. The Greek actually means, “Stop it! Don’t do it anymore! You should never do this!”
Then he used the word “rendering” to describe the attitude that many of them seemed to be demonstrating to each other and that he was forbidding them to continue. The word “rendering” is the Greek word apodidomi, which actually means to pay back. It is the idea of getting back at someone for what that person did to you. It refers to sending back exactly what was sent to you. You could say that this word pictures a person who is determined to do to someone else exactly what the offender did to him. In other words, this is payback time!
How many times have you heard husbands and wives say they are going to “get back” at their spouse for what he or she did to them? I’m telling you, friend, this is the wrong route to take!
What you sow is exactly what you reap. It is far better for you to sow mercy and forgiveness than to get into the business of sowing bitterness. Even though it may seem very difficult to forgive and to let go of the offense, it is far easier to take this route than to sow wrong seed and thus get trapped in a destructive cycle of sowing and reaping bitterness and strife that will ultimately hurt you, your marriage, and your children.
Peter tells us, “Not rendering evil for evil….” The word “evil” is the Greek word loidoria. This Greek word tells us exactly what the husbands and wives to whom Peter was writing must have been feeling. This word loidoria pictures a person who feels (whether or not those feelings are based on actual truth) that he or she has been ill-treated, misused, berated, and abused. This person considers himself victimized, oppressed, mishandled, harassed, manhandled, violated, defiled, imposed upon wrongly, debased, and humiliated. The Greek word loidoria (“evil”) thus projects the ideas of insult, injury, hurt, and damage.
Peter’s words in this verse could accurately be taken to mean:
“Do not pay back one insult with another insult.…”
“Do not get back at your spouse by injuring him or her the same way you were injured.…”
“Do not retaliate against your spouse by abusing him or her in the same way you have felt abused….”
“Do not pay your spouse back with the same treatment he or she has given to you.…”
Before you rush into “railing” at your spouse for the injustice that you perceive has been done to you, let God first speak to your heart about your own role in the matter. “Railing” at one another is not God’s way for you or your spouse to respond to disappointment. That is the way the flesh responds, but it is not God’s way in a marital relationship. He has a far better way for you to respond that will release power and bring blessing to your marriage!
Peter says you and your spouse are called that you should inherit a “blessing.” Do you see the word “blessing”? It is the Greek word eulogia, a compound of eu and logos. The word eu means good or swell, and it describes something wonderful or pleasurable. The word logos is the Greek word for words. When compounded together, the word eulogia means good, swell, wonderful, and pleasurable words.
You can be sure that at some point along the way, your spouse will disappoint you and let you down. Even if he or she doesn’t mean to do it, it will happen simply because your mate is human or because you have expectations that are impossible for anyone to meet 100 percent of the time.
So when your flesh gets riled up and feels like it has been violated or mistreated, don’t immediately blow your top and start acting ugly in response. Instead, run to the Lord and ask Him to help you perceive this situation correctly. If you’ll let the Holy Spirit work in you, He will show you how to return kindness for every injustice you perceive has been done to you. A right response from you can change the entire situation. A wrong response from you will only aggravate the situation and make it worse.
Instead of paying back acts of unkindness with harsh, retaliatory remarks or calculated acts of revenge, make the decision that you are going to respond to every incident by speaking a blessing over your spouse! In other words, when you think of something negative that your spouse has done, determine not to give in to the urges of your flesh to retaliate. Choose instead to return those inconsiderate acts with words of love.
If something has happened that tempts you to be bitter, refuse to take offense. Instead of responding with words that attack and tear down your spouse, decide that you’re going to speak words that build him or her up. Instead of paying back an insult with an insult, make the decision to speak a blessing!
That day when the woman sitting next to me on the airplane talked about how she was going to pay her husband back for the things he had done to her, I could see that she was headed down a road of revenge that would only aggravate her situation. The same is true in your marriage. It’s all right to talk about things that disappoint you, but that kind of discussion needs to take place in a healthy, productive way. Make sure your mouth is filled with sweet words instead of harsh words — and never let yourself get into the retaliation business, for that will only make your situation worse.
The Holy Spirit will show both you and your spouse how to respond in every situation with words of kindness. He’ll fill your mouth with good things if you’ll allow Him to work in you this way. In fact, as you speak the blessings the Holy Spirit wants you to speak instead of making argumentative, insulting remarks to your spouse, your words will become the very force that turns the situation around in your marriage!
My Prayer for Today
Lord, forgive me for allowing myself to get so upset in the past that I have acted unkindly toward my mate and made ugly remarks in moments of rage. I’m wrong for permitting my flesh to control me in such an ungodly way. Even though my spouse has been wrong as well, he (or she) couldn’t have been any uglier or more hurtful than I was when I spoke those harsh, retaliatory words. Please help me to become more like Jesus — to release blessing after blessing as I speak only words of kindness to my spouse. I know that my words have the power of life and death, so help me turn around every difficult situation as I start speaking blessings into my marital relationship!
I pray this in Jesus’ name!
My Confession for Today
I confess that I speak blessings into my relationship with my spouse. I don’t speak curses, nor do I pay back abuse with abuse or insult with insult. I am called to be a blessing; therefore, I AM a blessing, and my mouth speaks good things even when I am tempted to say words that are not so edifying. I refuse to get into the retaliation business, for I am called to be in the blessing business! I take every opportunity — both pleasurable times as well as moments of conflict — to speak blessings over myself, over my spouse, and over our relationship together!
I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!
Questions to Answer
1. Have there been times when the Holy Spirit told you to keep a tight rein on your tongue and to respond to a situation with positive words instead of ugly words? Did you obey what the Spirit prompted you to do, or did you go ahead and verbalize the anger you felt?
2. What happened when you responded to a bad situation with words of kindness instead of with retaliatory remarks? Or what happened when you returned insult for insult in an argument with your spouse?
3. Are you willing to ask the Holy Spirit to prepare you for the next time you face a potentially explosive situation in your marriage? Will you make a firm decision beforehand to respond with great patience and kindness so your response can disarm all potential for strife in the situation?
Be Pitiful, Be Courteous!
Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous.
— 1 Peter 3:8
As Peter continues to make his concluding remarks to husbands and wives, he urges them to “…be pitiful, be courteous.” Today I want us to delve into the meanings of these Greek words to see what Peter means when he commands husbands and wives to be “pitiful” and “courteous” with one another.
The word “pitiful” is the Greek word eusplagchnos. It is a very strange combination of the words eu and splagchnos. The word eu means well or good. It describes a person who feels swell or pleased about something. It depicts a positive emotional response to someone or to something that has been done.
One of the best examples of the word eu in the New Testament is found in Matthew 3:17. When Jesus came up from the baptismal waters of the Jordan, a voice spoke from Heaven, saying, “…This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” The words “well pleased” are from the word eudokeo — which is the word eu, meaning great pleasure, connected to the Greek word dokeo, meaning to think or to imagine. But when these words are compounded to form the word eudokeo, it means, “I am more pleased than you could possibly imagine! I am supremely pleased!”
Now that we have looked at the word eu, the first part of the word eusplagchnos, let’s now move to the second part of the word to see what the word splagchnos means. The word splagchnos is the Greek word for the intestines or bowels. Paul uses the word splagchnos in Second Corinthians 6:12 to describe his deeply felt affection for the Corinthian believers. He uses the word splagchnos in Philippians 1:8 to describe the deeply felt affections of Jesus Christ. In Philemon 1:12, we find Paul using the word splagchnos when he says to Philemon concerning Onesimus, “Whom I have sent again: thou therefore receive him, that is, mine own bowels.” The use of the word splagchnos (“bowels”) in this verse tells us that Paul felt very deeply about Onesimus.
From the examples in the paragraph above, we see that the word splagchnos can describe tender emotions, or it may picture deeply felt feelings for someone else. But we also find that the word splagchnos (“bowels”) is used throughout the Gospels to express those moments when Jesus was “moved with compassion.” There are many examples of the word splagchnos being used exactly in this way. For example:
- Matthew 14:14 says, “And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick.”
- Matthew 15:32 says, “Then Jesus called his disciples unto him, and said, I have compassion on the multitude.…” As a result of this deeply felt compassion, Jesus fed the multitude of people who were following Him that day.
- Matthews 20:34 says, “So Jesus had compassion on them, and touched their eyes: and immediately their eyes received sight, and they followed him.”
- Mark 1:41 says, “And Jesus, moved with compassion, put forth his hand, and touched him, and saith unto him, I will; be thou clean.”
- Mark 6:34 says, “And Jesus, when he came out, saw much people, and was moved with compassion toward them, because they were as sheep not having a shepherd: and he began to teach them many things.”
- Mark 8:2 says, “I have compassion on the multitude, because they have now been with me three days, and have nothing to eat.” Just as Matthew recorded in Matthew 15:32, Mark tells the same story in this text about how compassion moved Jesus to supernaturally provide food for His followers.
- Luke 7:13-15 says, “And when the Lord saw her, he had compassion on her, and said unto her, Weep not. And he came and touched the bier: and they that bare him stood still. And he said, Young man, I say unto thee, Arise. And he that was dead sat up, and began to speak. And he delivered him to his mother.”
In every example where Jesus felt compassion for someone or for a mass of people, there was such a movement of compassion from within Him that it surged out of Him to meet the needs of people. In some cases, that movement of compassion caused Him to provide food, to raise the dead, to deliver the demon-possessed, to heal the sick, and to provide teaching for those who were like sheep without a shepherd.
Forgive me for being so straightforward, but I want to tell you exactly why the Holy Spirit chose the word splagchnos (“bowels”) to describe compassion. Let me get very biological for a moment. What happens when a person’s bowels move? The movement of the bowels produces action, doesn’t it? Likewise, when the human spirit is deeply touched and moved by the need of another person, it causes a movement or a release of divine power to surge from deep within that person to reach out and meet the needs of that other individual.
This is the reason that every time Jesus was moved with compassion, it always resulted in a healing, deliverance, resurrection, supernatural provision, or some other action that changed someone’s life. You see, compassion always produces action. The force of compassion cannot leave a person in the sad condition in which he was found; it moves one to do something to change that other person’s situation.
We find the word splagchnos (“bowels”) in First John 3:17, where John writes, “But whoso hath this world’s good, and seeth his brother hath need, and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him?” The word “shutteth” is the Greek word kleio, which means to lock up or to tightly shut up. It pictures a believer who is deeply moved by someone else’s need. But instead of letting that compassion move him to action, this believer deliberately puts up a barrier and shuts off the flow of compassion.
The urge to be compassionate is so strong that this believer must deliberately harden his heart in order to shut off that force of compassion and hinder it from flowing forth from him to meet that human need. John describes this urge to meet someone else’s need as “bowels of compassion.”
But when these two words — eu and splagchnos — are compounded together, it means to be tender-hearted or affectionate. The second part of the word, splaghnos, pictures a person who is deeply moved. However the word eu, the first part of the word eusplagchnos, pictures a person who feels very positive about someone or something else. When compounded together, the new word means an inward feeling of delight and a deep desire that moves someone to do something for someone else.
Peter uses this same word in First Peter 3:8 when he tells husbands and wives to be “pitiful.” Peter is actually exhorting them to feel deeply for each other and to put actions to those emotions. Compassion always produces action.
If you deeply love your spouse, that love will move you to do things to help him or her in life, for real love cannot just sit idly by and watch the loved one struggle. Your deeply felt love for your mate will motivate you to get up and do something to help!
But then Peter follows this up by telling husband and wives to be “courteous.” The word “courteous” is an unfortunate translation of the Greek word tapeinophron. It is a compound of the words tapeinos and phren. The word tapienos means to be lowly, to be humble, or to exhibit humility and modesty. The word phren is the Greek word for the intellect or the mind. When these two words are used together, it means to be humble-minded or to be lowly-minded — a concept that goes beyond merely being courteous or polite.
It is just a fact that when we see someone else with a need, our flesh wants to rise up and say, “I’m going to quit being so merciful and compassionate! That person can just grow up! I am finished intervening to help every time he struggles!”
In moments when our flesh is tempted to be judgmental toward our spouses, we must resist the temptation to act high and mighty and condescending. Instead, we must choose to be humble-minded, to come down to a level where we can be understanding and release a flow of compassion to help instead of becoming our spouses’ judge!
This is what Peter means when he tells husbands and wives to be “pitiful” and to be “courteous.” Now that you know the way you are supposed to relate to your spouse, what are you going to do?
My Prayer for Today
Lord, I want to be moved with compassion toward my spouse! Help me to truly feel compassion for what my spouse is going through, and teach me how to let mercy flow from my spirit to strengthen him (or her). I know that my spirit is filled with everything my spouse needs in moments of difficulty, so I want to know how to release those good things from my spirit to strengthen and edify him (or her). Holy Spirit, please help me be moved with compassion toward my spouse. Teach me how to esteem and to treat him (or her) as more important than myself.
I pray this in Jesus’ name!
My Confession for Today
I confess that I am filled with compassion and that I let that force of compassion flow from my heart to my spouse. I am the strongest source of blessing and encouragement in my spouse’s life. I deliberately think of ways I can be a blessing to him (or her), and I speak words of blessing that will bring the strength and encouragement my spouse needs from me.
I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!
Questions to Answer
1. Can you remember times when you felt a surge of compassion flow from your heart toward your spouse? When you released that compassion and let it flow from your heart, did you become a source of great strength and encouragement to your mate?
2. Have there been moments in your marriage when that flow of compassion wanted to operate through you, but you refused to allow it to flow toward your spouse? Be honest.
3. Can you recall a time when you were the recipient of divine compassion flowing from another person? What effect did this flow of compassion have on you and your situation?
Love as Brethren
Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous.
— 1 Peter 3:8
When Denise and I first got married, I got upset with her one day over something very silly. Such a small issue shouldn’t have upset me, but I was just beginning to learn how to be a husband, and Denise was learning to be a wife. As often happens when a couple first gets married, we got our wires crossed and misunderstanding resulted. And on this particular occasion, I allowed myself to get all worked up over nothing!
That day I sternly reprimanded Denise for what had transpired. Even though I knew I was raising my voice and speaking in a tone that wasn’t exactly kind, it was almost as if I had tapped into a volcano on the inside of me. I felt like I was about to explode. I knew that if I didn’t get a grip on myself, I would soon be saying overblown, angry words that I would later regret. It was suddenly clear to me that I was allowing the devil to blow this thing all out of proportion in my mind. So in order to get control of my emotions, I walked away and found a place where I could pray.
When I got alone with the Lord, the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, “Would you speak with that tone of voice to any other woman at the church?”
I said, “No, I would never speak to any of the other women in the church the way I just spoke to my wife. Even if they did something very wrong and made me angry, I would treat them with courtesy simply because they are my sisters in Christ.”
The Holy Spirit answered, “Well, not only is Denise your wife, she is your sister in Christ. From this moment forward, even if you are upset with her, show her the same respect you would show any other sister.”
That word from the Holy Spirit changed my life. Denise was my sister in Christ before we got married, and the fact is, she is still my sister in Christ even though we are now joined together as husband and wife. If for no other reason, I should speak to her graciously and with dignity simply out of respect for her as my sister in the Lord. This shed new light for me on Peter’s words in First Peter 3:8, where he said that husbands and wives are to “love as brethren.”
The words “love as brethren” are from the Greek word philadelphia, a compound of the words philos and adelphos or adelphia. The word philos describes friendship and carries the idea of affection and a profound love for someone who is dear. The words adelphos and adelphia are the Greek words for a brother and a sister, respectively. When philos is compounded with one of these two words, the compound word means to love as a brother or to love as a sister.
It may seem strange to some that Peter tells husbands and wives to love as brethren. But the fact is, this is the most eternal part of the marriage relationship.
For instance, when Denise and I eventually go to Heaven, we will no longer be husband and wife, but we will be brother and sister in Christ. During our journey here on earth, we have partnered together as a marital team. I thank God that He joined me to Denise in this life in this particular relationship. But our long-term status and our most vital relationship is as a brother and sister in Christ. That aspect of our relationship will last throughout eternity.
So if you are ever tempted to get upset with your believing spouse, remember that he or she is first your brother or sister in the Lord. Then give your mate the same courtesy you would give any other brother or sister in the Christian community!
My Prayer for Today
Lord, please forgive me for the times I have spoken wrongly to my spouse. Help me to never take my spouse for granted again, but to always remember that if for no other reason, I should speak kindly to my mate out of respect for his (or her) position in Christ. I admit I’ve done wrong in the way I’ve spoken to my mate in the past. I know I wouldn’t speak that way to anyone else in the church. Please help me to love my spouse as one of my brethren in the Lord and to reverence the Holy Spirit who lives in him (or her).
I pray this in Jesus’ name!
My Confession for Today
I confess that I treat my spouse as a brother (or sister) in Christ. I speak to my spouse with respect; I reverence the Spirit of God who lives inside him (or her); and I honor my mate as a part of the Body of Christ. As God works in me and transforms me day by day, I am becoming more controlled and more temperate in the way I relate to my spouse. I don’t fly off the handle with him (or her) and say things that are unacceptable to say to a brother or sister in Christ.
I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!
Questions to Answer
1. Can you honestly say that you treat your spouse with the same respect you show to other brothers or sisters in your local church?
2. Would you ever allow yourself to fly off the handle and indulge in an outburst of anger with brothers and sisters at church as you do with your spouse?
3. If you have treated your spouse with less respect than you show toward other people, don’t you think it’s time for you to first repent before God and then to ask your spouse for forgiveness and ask him (or her) to pray with you about this problem?
Becoming of One Mind And Having Compassion One of Another
Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous.
— 1 Peter 3:8
It doesn’t take too long for a newly married couple to start discovering the differences between the way a man and a woman think and feel. But the husband and wife just need to stay committed to their marriage and seriously work at learning to understand one another. Then as they grow together through the years, they will eventually start to think the same and see things from the same perspective.
When this level of unity is finally achieved, it brings power to a marriage. This is exactly the reason Peter exhorted husbands and wives, telling them, “Finally, be ye all of one mind.…”
Notice Peter begins by saying, “Finally.…” In Greek, this is the phrase to telos, which lets us know that he is coming to the final conclusion of what he has been saying to husbands and wives. The words to telos serve as an exclamation mark, letting the reader know that Peter is wrapping up and concluding this subject with some very important final remarks.
Then Peter tells the husbands and wives to be of “one mind.” This is the challenge that has been set before husbands and wives since the beginning of time! The words “one mind” come from the Greek word homophron. The first part of the word is the Greek word homos, which means one of the very same kind. The second part of the word comes from the Greek word phren, which refers to the mind or the intelligence.
When these two words are compounded into one, forming the word homophron, it means to be similarly minded. It could be translated of the same mind. It is the idea of two people who think the same, feel the same, and view things in life the same way. They are similar in their thinking, reasoning, and conclusions.
Commitment is required in order for two people to become of one mind. These two people must want to understand each other, want to see things the same way, want to think the same way, and want to have the same vision, goal, and purpose in life.
Because my wife and I love each other, we work very hard to understand one another. When we don’t understand what the other is projecting or saying, we stop and work on it until we do understand.
Misunderstanding through miscommunication is the door the devil likes to use to get in between spouses and divide them. But if a husband and wife will commit themselves to keeping the door shut to misunderstanding and miscommunication, this one factor alone can keep the devil from finding access into their relationship.
What are you doing to become of one mind with your spouse? Do you talk at length with each other? Do you pray and worship together? How often do you read the Bible together? Do you regularly devote time to one another that is free of the mobile telephone and the children crying out for your attention? Becoming of one mind takes focus and concentration. It doesn’t happen by accident. If you and your spouse are going to achieve this blessed state God wants you to have, it will take a deliberate decision and action on your part.
Then Peter says that husbands and wives are to have “…compassion one of another….” I think it is very significant that he placed this command right after telling us to be of one mind, because our attempts to understand each other can cause some definite moments of frustration! Nevertheless, instead of giving in to those feelings of exasperation, we are to put aside our frustration and let compassion start to operate.
Sometimes you may not understand a single thing your spouse is trying to say. Other times you may express yourself over and over again, and your spouse still won’t get it. But rather than get angry or frustrated when that happens, you can choose to let compassion flow!
What do I mean by “compassion”? The word “compassion” is the Greek word sumpathos, a compound of sun, describing something that is equally shared, and the Greek word pathos, meaning feelings, affection, or passion. When these two words are compounded together, they literally mean to share feelings and emotions. This refers to one who enters into someone else’s experience to share that experience and to be a partner who understands what that person is going through. The word sumpathos is where we get the English word sympathy. It means to be empathetic, kind, considerate, caring, and full of mercy.
When you take the meaning of these Greek words into consideration, the verse conveys the following idea:
“In conclusion, do everything you can to see and understand things the same way and to be sympathetic, kind, considerate, and caring of each other.…”
By using the word sumpathos (“compassion”), Peter urges all of us to try to be sympathetic with each other. Rather than rush to judgment and get upset when we don’t understand what someone else is saying or doing, we need to reach out to that person and try to understand. This principle is especially true in marriage. It is absolutely essential that we learn to be sympathetic with our spouses.
When an opportunity arises that would normally cause us to get upset with our spouses, we need to instead reach out to them and ask how we can help. And when we see our spouses struggling in some area, that isn’t the time to preach at them or judge them for it. They need us to be their closest, most sympathetic friend.
So the next time you want to get upset with your mate, determine to have compassion instead. Reach out to him or her in love and say, “I see that you are struggling. Is there anything I can do to help?”
My Prayer for Today
Lord, help me to put aside my fleshly pride and to do everything I can to understand my precious spouse. I confess that there are times when I just don’t understand what my spouse is trying to say or do. I often get frustrated and allow myself to get upset. Therefore, Holy Spirit, I am telling You right now that I need Your assistance to remain calm, to be at peace, and to let sympathy flow from my heart in place of the aggravation I have allowed to pester me. Today I want to turn a new page in my life. I want to be the best friend my spouse has ever had. Help me recognize where I need to change in order to be what I need to be in this marriage relationship.
I pray this in Jesus’ name!
My Confession for Today
I confess that I am an understanding and compassionate spouse. My mate feels no judgment or rejection from me. We are working on our relationship. We are becoming more understanding of one another. We are achieving more unity than we’ve ever known in our relationship. As a result, we are on our way to being happier than we’ve ever been at any other time in our marriage. The worst days are behind us, and the best days are before us. Because the Holy Spirit is helping us, we are overcoming every struggle and experiencing new realms of victory in our lives!
I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!
Questions to Answer
1. Would your spouse say that you are the kind and compassionate friend he or she needs or that you tend to be preachy and judgmental?
2. Does your spouse feel “safe” with you? Is it easy for your spouse to open his or her heart and be totally honest in front of you? Or does your mate dread facing your judgmental attitude or your reprimand for his or her perceived weaknesses or shortcomings?
3. What do your answers to the two questions above indicate about the changes you need to make in your words and actions so your spouse can feel more comfortable with you? What steps can you take to foster a closer friendship and partnership with your spouse?
Husband, You Are A Co-Ruler With Your Wife!
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
— 1 Peter 3:7
Husband, it is simply a fact that you married a woman who loves you and needs you. Your wife is your partner, and she wants to be treated like she is a partner.
That is exactly the way God designed marriage in the first place. God intended for your wife to be more than your housekeeper, your bookkeeper, your personal slave, or the babysitter for the children you bore together. God desires that she be your partner in life. Literally, she is to be a co-ruler in the partnership of life.
This is why Peter told husbands in First Peter 3:7 to view their wives as “…being heirs together of the grace of life….” I want you to especially notice the phrase “heirs together.” This phrase is taken from the Greek word sunekleronomos, a compound of the words sun and kleros. As noted earlier (see October 8), the word sun always carries the idea of partnership and cooperation. When the word sun is used in the New Testament, it always connects two or more people into a very vital union.
The second part of the word, kleros, describes a portion, an allotment, or a part of something that belongs to a person or to a specific thing for which the person is responsible. As time passed, the word kleros later came to denote a parcel or portion of land that was inherited and thus became one’s possession and responsibility.
When the words sun and kleros are compounded as in First Peter 3:7, it carries the idea of two people, a husband and wife, who are joined together in vital union to share life together. They are literally joined to become co-inheritors. The word sunkleromenos means they are partners, not only in marriage but in all the affairs of life. This is a joint venture, a joint partnership, a co-joining of two people into a shared adventure of life.
You see, God intended for marriage to be a joint venture. Whenever a spouse is treated as less than an equal partner, that spouse can become deeply discouraged regarding the marriage relationship. This discouragement, if not corrected, leads to bitterness, hurt, and hardness of heart. This is why it is so essential that a husband learn to esteem his wife as his partner in life, which is precisely who God called her to be. If the husband’s perception of her is anything other than this, he must renew his mind to the truth of God’s Word and learn to value and appreciate her. He also needs to find ways to show his wife that he counts her as his most valued partner and friend.
When a husband and wife treat each other as equal and valued partners in life, they become a powerful team. On the other hand, if a marital relationship is out of order and one or both of the spouses do not value or appreciate each other, First Peter 3:7 says that this out-of-sync condition will “hinder” them when they pray together.
The word “hinder” is the word egkopto, a word used in Greek times to portray the moment when a runner comes alongside another runner and literally elbows him out of the race. Although the runner was previously running a good race, the aggression of a competitor literally breaks in on his race and destroys his effectiveness.
This categorically means that when disruption comes between a husband and wife or when spouses don’t hold each other in esteem, the enemy is able to elbow into their relationship and invalidate the power of their prayers. That is why it is so important that husbands and wives view and receive each other as co-partners and co-inheritors in life. When a married couple see themselves as a unified team, their prayer life becomes powerful and effective. But if they allow their relationship to remain disjointed and disrupted, their prayers will be powerless and ineffective.
Therefore, husband, adjust your thinking to see your wife as your co-partner, co-inheritor, and co-ruler in life. If you are married, you are no longer just one; you have now become inseparably joined to your wife. Isn’t it time for you to start treating her like she is your princess?
Before you got married, you treated her with respect, and that’s the way God expects you to treat her after the wedding as well. So if you have become insensitive or have failed to treat your wife like the equal partner God intends for her to be, don’t you think it’s time for you to ask her forgiveness and then start treating her with the same courtesy and respect you expect her to show toward you?
Never forget — God intended for your marriage to be a powerful partnership. So make the decision today to treat your wife as though she is just as important and significant as yourself!
My Prayer for Today
Lord, help me treat my wife like the partner You intended for her to be in my life. You gave her to me to be a co-ruler and co-inheritor of the grace of life. You placed her at my side to be my helper, my companion, and my partner. You called us together to achieve Your will for our family. I am sorry for the times I have ignored her or unintentionally forgotten to treat her like the partner she is in my life. Starting today, please help me reverse any of my behavior patterns that my wife perceives to be unkind or insensitive. Show me ways to demonstrate to her that she is truly my partner and my co-ruler in this life!
I pray this in Jesus’ name!
My Confession for Today
I confess that my wife is my co-ruler in life. She is my helper, my companion, and my partner. God called us together to make an impact in this world. Without her, I am incomplete, lacking all that is necessary to do this job. I acknowledge that I need my wife. I treat her as my equal partner whom God has joined to my life. She and I together make a powerful team, and together we are achieving great things!
I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!
Questions to Answer
1. Do you treat your wife like your partner in life, or do you treat her like she is your maid, your housekeeper, or your lifelong professional babysitter?
2. How often do you sit down to discuss your plans, your dreams, your future, or your daily schedule with your wife? Does she feel like she is a central part of your life, or does she feel like she is always the last one to be considered and the last one to find out what is happening?
3. If you were really honest with yourself about the way you treat your wife, what changes would you have to make in order to get your marriage in God’s order and make your wife feel like she is a vital part of your life?
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life….
— 1 Peter 3:7
Husband, absolutely no one in your life is more precious or important to you than your wife. One day when you are older and your children have started their own families and have moved to another city or state, or when your friends become elderly and pass away, your wife is the one who will still be right at your side. She started with you; she stayed with you; she will be with you through many years yet to come. And at the end of your life, she is the one who will still be right there at your side. Of all the relationships you have in this life, none compare in importance to your relationship with your wife.
This is exactly why the apostle Peter wrote to husbands in First Peter 3:7, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life….”
Peter had been married many years when he wrote this verse. He had a godly marriage that was an example to the Early Church. So when Peter spoke about marriage, he had a platform from which to speak. He had done well as a husband. Peter knew what God expects from husbands and therefore spoke strongly to husbands regarding how they should treat their wives.
In First Peter 3:7, Peter commanded husbands to “give honor” to their wives. What does this mean? The Greek word for “give” is aponemo. This word means to assign, to designate, to allocate, or to intentionally give something to someone. It refers to a calculated decision to show attention, awareness, or consideration to someone else. In this case, it refers to a man purposefully showing attention to and consideration for his wife. Because Peter uses the Greek word aponemo (“giving”), this strongly suggests that the husband’s attention, awareness, and consideration don’t occur accidentally. Rather, this word pictures a purposeful and premeditated action by a husband to intentionally demonstrate consideration for his wife.
The word “honour” is from the Greek word timao, a word that carries the idea of something so valuable that it is held as precious, prized, cherished, treasured, valuable, and very dear. Peter uses the word in this verse to speak of a husband who values his wife highly; holds her in honor; treats her graciously; esteems her; handles her respectfully; and treats her like a prized treasure that is very precious to him.
As Peter continues exhorting husbands to treat their wives with special care, he makes one statement that unfortunately is often misunderstood. He tells husbands that they are to give honor unto the wife as unto the “weaker vessel.”
The word “weaker” does not mean inferior or substandard. This is the Greek word asthenes, which actually carries the idea of something that is fragile and of great value, like a priceless, beautiful, hand-painted porcelain vase that must be treated with supreme care. Furthermore, the word “vessel” is from the Greek skeuos, which presents the idea of a vase or treasure so rare and valuable that it should be treasured, cherished, highly prized, and handled with special care.
Unfortunately, many men treat their wives like a bucket that is to be thrown under the kitchen sink or used in the barn to milk the cows! They don’t comprehend that their relationship with their wife is the most precious relationship that exists in their lives.
Because a wife is so vital to the life of the husband, he should treat her like she is important. She is to be given a place of high honor in his life, as if she were a fragile and priceless vessel. She deserves a place of distinction and should know without a doubt that her husband views her as precious, valuable, and special in his life.
Husband, I want to give you some practical suggestions for expressing appreciation to your wife. These ten suggestions may sound very simple, but they are the kinds of actions that communicate to your wife how valuable she is to you. As you look at these ten suggestions, you will see that they are small, almost effortless acts of kindness; nevertheless, your wife will deeply appreciate them.
Certainly these acts of love and consideration are the least you can do for a wife whom you expect to faithfully follow you through life! Therefore, pay close attention to the following ten easy-to-follow suggestions:
1. When you and your wife approach a door, open the door for her and let her go through the door first. If you step through the door first and then let the door slam in your wife’s face as she follows behind you, you give her the impression that she is of little value to you. So quit thinking only of yourself, and be a gentleman! Hold the door open for your wife!
2. When your wife walks up or down the stairs or when she gets in or out of the car, show enough consideration for her to reach out and take her by the hand and help her. This little tender touch communicates that you want to treat her with care. It makes her feel very special.
3. Instead of spending all the extra money on yourself, on your fishing trip, or on your personal pleasures, why not sacrifice a few of your own desires and give her that extra money to go do something for herself? When you give her a check or cash and tell her to go buy something for herself, it will probably shock her! But as she realizes that you are making a sacrifice of your own desires to bless her, it will send a gigantic signal that you love her and want to bless her.
4. Tell your wife often how beautiful she is to you. This makes her feel cherished. She works hard to be beautiful for you, and it is only right that you acknowledge it when she looks pretty.
5. Speak honorably of your wife in front of your children. If you treat her with honor, your children will treat her with honor as well. If you have sons, you are also providing a good example to them of the way they should honor their own future wives.
6. Take your wife to dinner and let her talk, talk, and talk. The one thing she wants more than anything else is time with you. When you give her time that is completely undistracted, it lets her know that you want to be with her. By the way, in those special times set aside for your wife, it would be a good idea to leave the mobile phone at home!
7. When you are at work, remember to pick up the telephone to call her during the day, just to let her know you are thinking about her. It doesn’t take long for you to make a quick phone call, but that moment of consideration means a lot to your wife because it communicates to her how much you value her. If you tend to be forgetful about calling your wife during your busy workday, write a note to remind yourself.
8. Make time in your schedule to be only with your wife. This communicates that she is a high priority in your life. If you always have time to be with everyone else but never have time with her, you are sending her the message that she is the lowest priority in your life. Put yourself in her place, and you’ll realize that if she had time for everyone but you, it would probably make you feel pretty insignificant as well. So make time for your wife, and she will feel valued by you.
9. Men don’t like to write notes, but women love to receive them. So take a few minutes every so often to write a little note or card and leave it for your wife to find. How much time and effort does it take for you to pick up an ink pen and a piece of paper and write two or three sentences of appreciation to your wife? It’s a small investment of time and creativity that speaks volumes to your wife about your love for her.
10. Always remember special dates, such as your wife’s birthday or your wedding anniversary. Men tend to forget these things, but these are special memories to a wife and it means so much to her when these times are celebrated with her husband. Also, don’t forget to buy her a gift for these occasions. After all, wouldn’t you be shocked and disappointed if she forgot your birthday?
Now let me take this one step further and suggest ten things a husband should never do to his wife! If you do any of these ten things, you are sending a wrong signal to your wife, for none of these actions will make her feel cherished and treasured by you. In fact, they will have the opposite effect!
Husband, listen carefully:
1. Never put your wife down in front of others. She didn’t marry you to be the brunt of your jokes. Even if she smiles and laughs, trying to shrug off your verbal jabs, this kind of behavior on your part is deeply hurtful to your wife. She needs your honor, not your sarcasm. If there is a conflict between you, wait until you get home where you can talk about it privately, but never make fun of her or put her down in front of others. You certainly wouldn’t want her to do this to you!
2. Never point out your wife’s weaknesses to others. Husbands often do this, not realizing how disrespectful they are being to their wives. Talking in public about your wife’s weaknesses will embarrass her. And I must ask you again, do you want her to point out all your flaws in front of other people? You would prefer that she speak to you privately about such matters, so show her the same courtesy.
3. Never tell your wife there isn’t enough money in the budget for her to buy a new outfit — and then turn right around and spend a lot of money on yourself, your fishing trip, your hobbies, etc. When she sees you do this, it communicates to her that you love yourself more than you love her. Do you want your wife to perceive you as a selfish person who is more in love with yourself than concerned about blessing her?
4. Never tell your wife that you don’t have time for her. Even if your schedule is packed, look for time to be with her. She married you because she loves you and wants to be with you. When you consistently make time for everyone in your life except your wife, you are making a very big mistake. If needed, cancel something in your schedule so you can give attention to this most important relationship in your life.
5. Never walk in front of your wife. Husbands are notorious for walking in front of their wives, and wives detest it. Too often men act as if they are racing when they walk, usually leaving their wives to walk five to fifteen feet behind them. Now, I understand that you may think your wife walks too slowly, but what is the use of racing in front of her if you must then stop, turn around, and wait for her to catch up with you? It takes the same amount of time to get to your destination, whether you walk alongside your wife or you walk ahead and then wait for her. So take your wife’s hand, and discipline yourself to walk by her side. You’ll shock her by doing this!
6. Never compare your wife to another woman. She wants to be the one and only woman in your life, so comparing her to other women is not wise and shows great disrespect. Do you want her to compare you to other men? I don’t think so.
7. Never make sexual innuendoes about your wife in front of others. This is not only disrespectful; it is deeply offensive to a wife. Your sexual relationship is a time of intimacy that is to be shared only between the two of you. Therefore, when you make jokes about it or talk about it in front of others, you are humiliating your wife and making her feel cheap. This is certainly not a way to cherish her or to treat her like a treasure!
8. Never lie to your wife or tell a half-truth to cover your tracks. Honesty must be the foundation of your relationship. If you violate her trust by lying to her and she discovers it, your act of deception will affect her ability to trust you in the future. Therefore, if you really love your wife, always level with her and be honest. It may be difficult for her to hear what you have to say, but at least she will know you are being honest with her. If she discovers you have been lying to her, this will result in a far greater hurt than if you honestly admit to her what you have done wrong.
9. Never dishonor your wife in front of your children. She is their mother, and they need to be taught to respect and honor her. If you treat her like a joke in front of the kids, they will treat her the same way. Dishonoring her and arguing with her before the children discredits her in their eyes. Do you want her to scold you or rebuke you in front of your children? Wouldn’t you prefer that she express her disagreements with you in private? Then show her the same consideration that you want her to show you.
10. Never forget your wife’s birthday or your wedding anniversary! Excuse me for repeating this point, but it’s important. Men who consistently forget these two important dates and yet expect their marriage relationship to stay healthy are either ignorant or stupid. These are special dates in your wife’s mind. Remembering her birthday tells her that you are thinking of her. Remembering your wedding anniversary tells her that you deeply care about your relationship with her.
Remember, Peter commands husbands in First Peter 3:7 to “give honor” to their wives. As noted earlier, the word “give” describes a calculated decision to show attention, awareness, or consideration to someone else. This pictures a purposeful and premeditated action by a husband to intentionally show attention and demonstrate consideration for his wife.
If these kinds of thoughtful acts don’t come naturally to you, it’s time for you to learn how to do them. Quit saying, “I just don’t think that way,” and learn to think that way! The truth is that you show kindness and consideration to other people, so you can do the same for your wife as well. Peter tells you what your responsibility is as a husband: “…giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel….” If you intend to be an obedient son of God, you have no choice but to learn how to develop these skills in your life, because God commands that you show this kind of consideration to your wife.
If you sincerely want to please the Lord and to be a blessing to your wife, why don’t you go before the Lord today and ask Him to forgive you for being insensitive to her needs? After you talk to the Lord, it is also important that you humble yourself and ask your wife to forgive you as well. Then follow up your repentance with actions. Let the Holy Spirit teach you, correct you, and show you how to become more sensitive to the woman you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with. Never forget — there is no relationship in your life more important than the one you have with your wife!
My Prayer for Today
Lord, I am asking You to please forgive me for being so selfish, self-centered, and neglectful of my wife and her needs. I expect her to faithfully serve me, but I have given her so little in return. I am truly sorry that I’ve ignored her and, as a result, hurt her. I accept responsibility for the role I have played in wounding her and making her feel unimportant. Please help me become more sensitive to my wife. Teach me to speak words that build her up, not words that put her down. As I follow Your leading in this area, please heal my wife’s heart and bring tenderness back into our relationship once more. I accept Your challenge to purposefully show the honor, attention, respect, and tenderness she deserves. Thank You for helping me change in this vital area of my life!
I pray this in Jesus’ name!
My Confession for Today
I confess that I am a loving and caring husband. My wife feels loved, respected, esteemed, and special because I do the things that communicate value to her. The Holy Spirit is helping me become more considerate, more tender, and more thoughtful. Every day I am dying to the flesh and becoming less selfish and self-centered. I am a godly example of what a husband ought to be, and my actions give a great sense of worth to the wife whom Jesus has given to me.
I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!
Questions to Answer
1. When is the last time you did something really extra special for your wife to show her how much you love and care for her?
2. Have you been guilty of jesting about your wife in front of others or of putting her down in front of the children? Would you want her to do this to you?
3. Is it time for you to humble yourself and to ask your wife to forgive you for the times you have been insensitive and uncaring of her needs?
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life….
— 1 Peter 3:7
One of the meanest tricks in the world occurs when a man romances his future bride and treats her like a princess as they are courting — but then once they get married, everything suddenly changes! Before the marriage, the man held her hand, walked with her, opened the door for her, called her on the telephone, wrote her romantic notes, sent her flowers, and took her to dinner. He treated her so royally that she viewed him as her “Prince Charming” and felt like she was his queen!
Unfortunately, upon returning from the honeymoon, many new husbands suspend all those romantic gestures that made their future brides feel so special. These men begin to act as if they have forgotten how to show their brides the tenderness to which they had grown accustomed. As a result of this change in behavior in their new husbands, young brides often feel disappointed, let down, and deceived. They inwardly ask themselves:
- Where is the Prince Charming I fell in love with before I got married?
- Was that all an act?
- Who is this man I have married?
- Who is this man who rarely calls me, who rarely treats me to a date, who seems to have time for everyone except me, and who shows very little tenderness in our relationship?
- Where did the man go who once treated me so nicely?
Men are often unaware that they are becoming insensitive and neglectful of their wives. Perhaps they get busy at work, or their minds are heavy with details, or they are mentally and physically exhausted. These may be some of the contributing factors that explain why men do the things they do. But regardless of what a husband is feeling or going through at work or in his financial affairs, his wife needs his attention and affection. She married him because she wants to be a part of his life. She has a need to feel cherished by him and to know that he wants to include her in his life.
This is precisely why Peter in First Peter 3:7 told husbands that they are to “dwell” with their wives. The word “dwell” is the Greek word sunoikeo, a compound of the word sun and oikos. The word sun always carries the idea of partnership and cooperation. When the word sun is used in the New Testament, it always connects two or more people into a very vital union. The second part of the word, oikos, is the Greek word for a house. When these words are linked together as they are in First Peter 3:7, it means to share a house together or to dwell together in one residence.
But there’s more to this than simply sharing a house together. The fact is, there are many husbands and wives who live in the same house, who eat at the same table, and who share the same bed, yet who don’t really “dwell” together. They are like two ships that occasionally pass each other. Although they share the same residence, they live separate lives, never really connecting with each other.
Because the first part of the word sunoikos (“dwell”) is the word sun, which always conveys the idea of partnership and cooperation, this lets us know that Peter is urging husbands to share their lives with their wives. This is a great challenge to men, who often want to be quiet when they come home after a busy day at work. Many men would rather sit down in front of the television and flip the channels all evening rather than communicate with their wives.
Husband, learning to share your life with your wife is a skill that must be developed. This is why Peter goes on to say that husbands are to “dwell with them according to knowledge.” The phrase “according to knowledge” implies that you must gain understanding of what blesses and distresses your wife. First, you must seek to obtain that knowledge by reading the Word, by reading a good book on marriage, by attending a seminar on how to be a better husband, by listening to a teaching tape on the subject, and so on. Then you must apply what you learn to your marriage if you want to have a happy wife.
For instance, what do you do, husband, when you come home from work in the evening? Perhaps you’re one of those husbands who walks in the door, plops down on the couch, turns on the television, and begins to flip mindlessly through so many channels that it is impossible to focus on any single program. Meanwhile, your wife has been waiting to talk to you all day long, so she sits next to you as you flip from one channel to the next and wonders, Why doesn’t he turn off the television and talk to me instead?
The truth is, you’ve talked to people all day long, and you probably don’t want to talk anymore. But you have a precious wife who needs you at that moment. She has cleaned the house, taken care of the children, cooked your evening meal, and faced her own challenges throughout the day. After an entire day of caring for the children, she needs some adult fellowship. Even more importantly, she wants fellowship with you because you are the one she loves and needs the most.
Why not turn off the television, take your wife by the hand, and ask her to take a walk with you? Or why don’t you sit at the kitchen table with your wife and let her tell you all about her day over a cup of coffee or tea? And after she is finished telling you every nitty-gritty detail of her day, take the time to tell her about your day! She wants to know what you did, whom you talked to, what they said, what happened next, and so on. She wants to know all about you and your day.
Also, instead of spending most evenings and Saturday with the guys or with other people, send a powerful signal to your wife that she is important by scheduling time to be only with her. That’s right, husband — spend quality time with your wife! Take her out to dinner or a movie. Do things together that you both enjoy so you can keep your relationship fresh and alive.
You need to treat your wife like she is the most central, significant, and important partner in your life. This doesn’t mean you can’t spend time with the guys. Certainly you need fellowship with Christian brothers. However, if you spend every free minute with them and never schedule any time with your wife, you are communicating that your male friends are much more important than she is. Is this the message you want to send to your wife?
As you learn to treat your wife with tender care, it will pay off big dividends in your life. If she is assured that she is a top priority in your life and feels secure in her relationship with you, she will gladly follow you and help you wherever God leads. But if she doesn’t feel valued or secure in her position as your wife, she will find it much harder to follow you with a sweet and submissive heart. She may be afraid that if she follows you, she will ultimately find herself abandoned and uncared for. Thus, how you care for your wife greatly determines how easy or difficult it is for her to follow you.
In my own life, my wife and I actually schedule our times to be together. We plan those moments when we will go for a walk together, go shopping, go to a café to have a cup of coffee or tea, or share a special meal with each other. Like most people, our schedules are very busy. We have found that if we don’t plan these times together, all the other responsibilities of our lives and ministry consume us, and in the end, we don’t spend enough quality time together. But because we both consider our marriage relationship to be the most important relationship in our lives, we treat it like it is important and make certain that we spend quality time together on a regular basis.
Husband, I urge you to make the decision that you are going to do more than just share the couch, share the table, and share the bed with your wife. Share your life with her. Open your heart to her; talk to her like she is your best friend and most important confidant. “Dwell” with her and do everything you can to let her know that no one else is as important to you as she is.
If you’re wondering what your marriage will be like if you fail to treat your wife with this kind of tender care, just ask those husbands who have made the mistake of ignoring their wives. They will testify how they hurt their wives, and many husbands will have to admit that they were a big factor in their wives becoming bitter and hardhearted.
When you invest in your wife, you are investing into your own life. You see, if you have a happy wife, you can be sure that you’ll have a partner who is with you all the way. So I urge you today to learn how to dwell with your wife according to knowledge. Make sure that from this day forward, you treat your wife like she is a top priority in your life!
My Prayer for Today
Lord, I ask You to forgive me for not spending enough time with my wife. I know that she needs me and that I haven’t done what I should do to show her the love and attention she deserves. She does so much for me. She loves me and our children and serves us with her whole heart. I am so sorry I’ve been so selfish and haven’t been the husband I need to be for my wife. I repent for my self-centeredness, and I make the decision today to reverse my actions. I want to love her as I should and to do everything I can to communicate that love. Please help me, Lord, to become all I need to be for my wife!
I pray this in Jesus’ name!
My Confession for Today
I boldly confess that I am a loving, caring, attentive husband. As God’s Spirit works in me and transforms me more and more into the image of Jesus Christ, I am becoming a better husband to my wife. Because I love her deeply and regularly show my love to her, she feels secure and confident in our relationship. As a result, she is willing to follow me wherever God leads and is supportive of my decisions. Investing in my life partner is the best investment I can make in my own life. Therefore, I choose this day to invest love and attentive care into my wife — the most important person in my life!
I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!
Questions to Answer
1. Husband, how much time in a week do you think you spend using your remote control to mindlessly flip through the television channels?
2. How much time do you spend talking to your wife and letting her talk to you? Do you have scheduled times when the two of you sit down together to discuss what is happening in your lives so you can stay vitally connected to each other?
3. Husband, what can you eliminate from your schedule so you can spend more time with your wife? Are you sending her the right message when you never have time for her, but you somehow have time for everyone else? Don’t you think it’s time for you to reevaluate your list of activities and make schedule changes to reflect the fact that your wife is more precious to you than anyone else?