Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life….
— 1 Peter 3:7

Husband, absolutely no one in your life is more precious or important to you than your wife. One day when you are older and your children have started their own families and have moved to another city or state, or when your friends become elderly and pass away, your wife is the one who will still be right at your side. She started with you; she stayed with you; she will be with you through many years yet to come. And at the end of your life, she is the one who will still be right there at your side. Of all the relationships you have in this life, none compare in importance to your relationship with your wife.

This is exactly why the apostle Peter wrote to husbands in First Peter 3:7, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life….”

Peter had been married many years when he wrote this verse. He had a godly marriage that was an example to the Early Church. So when Peter spoke about marriage, he had a platform from which to speak. He had done well as a husband. Peter knew what God expects from husbands and therefore spoke strongly to husbands regarding how they should treat their wives.

In First Peter 3:7, Peter commanded husbands to “give honor” to their wives. What does this mean? The Greek word for “give” is aponemo. This word means to assign, to designate, to allocate, or to intentionally give something to someone. It refers to a calculated decision to show attention, awareness, or consideration to someone else. In this case, it refers to a man purposefully showing attention to and consideration for his wife. Because Peter uses the Greek word aponemo (“giving”), this strongly suggests that the husband’s attention, awareness, and consideration don’t occur accidentally. Rather, this word pictures a purposeful and premeditated action by a husband to intentionally demonstrate consideration for his wife.

The word “honour” is from the Greek word timao, a word that carries the idea of something so valuable that it is held as precious, prized, cherished, treasured, valuable, and very dear. Peter uses the word in this verse to speak of a husband who values his wife highly; holds her in honor; treats her graciously; esteems her; handles her respectfully; and treats her like a prized treasure that is very precious to him.

As Peter continues exhorting husbands to treat their wives with special care, he makes one statement that unfortunately is often misunderstood. He tells husbands that they are to give honor unto the wife as unto the “weaker vessel.”

The word “weaker” does not mean inferior or substandard. This is the Greek word asthenes, which actually carries the idea of something that is fragile and of great value, like a priceless, beautiful, hand-painted porcelain vase that must be treated with supreme care. Furthermore, the word “vessel” is from the Greek skeuos, which presents the idea of a vase or treasure so rare and valuable that it should be treasured, cherished, highly prized, and handled with special care.

Unfortunately, many men treat their wives like a bucket that is to be thrown under the kitchen sink or used in the barn to milk the cows! They don’t comprehend that their relationship with their wife is the most precious relationship that exists in their lives.

Because a wife is so vital to the life of the husband, he should treat her like she is important. She is to be given a place of high honor in his life, as if she were a fragile and priceless vessel. She deserves a place of distinction and should know without a doubt that her husband views her as precious, valuable, and special in his life.

Husband, I want to give you some practical suggestions for expressing appreciation to your wife. These ten suggestions may sound very simple, but they are the kinds of actions that communicate to your wife how valuable she is to you. As you look at these ten suggestions, you will see that they are small, almost effortless acts of kindness; nevertheless, your wife will deeply appreciate them.

Certainly these acts of love and consideration are the least you can do for a wife whom you expect to faithfully follow you through life! Therefore, pay close attention to the following ten easy-to-follow suggestions:

1. When you and your wife approach a door, open the door for her and let her go through the door first. If you step through the door first and then let the door slam in your wife’s face as she follows behind you, you give her the impression that she is of little value to you. So quit thinking only of yourself, and be a gentleman! Hold the door open for your wife!

2. When your wife walks up or down the stairs or when she gets in or out of the car, show enough consideration for her to reach out and take her by the hand and help her. This little tender touch communicates that you want to treat her with care. It makes her feel very special.

3. Instead of spending all the extra money on yourself, on your fishing trip, or on your personal pleasures, why not sacrifice a few of your own desires and give her that extra money to go do something for herself? When you give her a check or cash and tell her to go buy something for herself, it will probably shock her! But as she realizes that you are making a sacrifice of your own desires to bless her, it will send  a gigantic signal that you love her and want to bless her.

4. Tell your wife often how beautiful she is to you. This makes her feel cherished. She works hard to be beautiful for you, and it is only right that you acknowledge it when she looks pretty.

5. Speak honorably of your wife in front of your children. If you treat her with honor, your children will treat her with honor as well. If you have sons, you are also providing a good example to them of the way they should honor their own future wives.

6. Take your wife to dinner and let her talk, talk, and talk. The one thing she wants more than anything else is time with you. When you give her time that is completely undistracted, it lets her know that you want to be with her. By the way, in those special times set aside for your wife, it would be a good idea to leave the mobile phone at home!

7. When you are at work, remember to pick up the telephone to call her during the day, just to let her know you are thinking about her. It doesn’t take long for you to make a quick phone call, but that moment of consideration means a lot to your wife because it communicates to her how much you value her. If you tend to be forgetful about calling your wife during your busy workday, write a note to remind yourself.

8. Make time in your schedule to be only with your wife. This communicates that she is a high priority in your life. If you always have time to be with everyone else but never have time with her, you are sending her the message that she is the lowest priority in your life. Put yourself in her place, and you’ll realize that if she had time for everyone but you, it would probably make you feel pretty insignificant as well. So make time for your wife, and she will feel valued by you.

9. Men don’t like to write notes, but women love to receive them. So take a few minutes every so often to write a little note or card and leave it for your wife to find. How much time and effort does it take for you to pick up an ink pen and a piece of paper and write two or three sentences of appreciation to your wife? It’s a small investment of time and creativity that speaks volumes to your wife about your love for her.

10. Always remember special dates, such as your wife’s birthday or your wedding anniversary. Men tend to forget these things, but these are special memories to a wife and it means so much to her when these times are celebrated with her husband. Also, don’t forget to buy her a gift for these occasions. After all, wouldn’t you be shocked and disappointed if she forgot your birthday?

Now let me take this one step further and suggest ten things a husband should never do to his wife! If you do any of these ten things, you are sending a wrong signal to your wife, for none of these actions will make her feel cherished and treasured by you. In fact, they will have the opposite effect!

Husband, listen carefully:

1. Never put your wife down in front of others. She didn’t marry you to be the brunt of your jokes. Even if she smiles and laughs, trying to shrug off your verbal jabs, this kind of behavior on your part is deeply hurtful to your wife. She needs your honor, not your sarcasm. If there is a conflict between you, wait until you get home where you can talk about it privately, but never make fun of her or put her down in front of others. You certainly wouldn’t want her to do this to you!

2. Never point out your wife’s weaknesses to others. Husbands often do this, not realizing how disrespectful they are being to their wives. Talking in public about your wife’s weaknesses will embarrass her. And I must ask you again, do you want her to point out all your flaws in front of other people? You would prefer that she speak to you privately about such matters, so show her the same courtesy.

3. Never tell your wife there isn’t enough money in the budget for her to buy a new outfit — and then turn right around and spend a lot of money on yourself, your fishing trip, your hobbies, etc. When she sees you do this, it communicates to her that you love yourself more than you love her. Do you want your wife to perceive you as a selfish person who is more in love with yourself than concerned about blessing her?

4. Never tell your wife that you don’t have time for her. Even if your schedule is packed, look for time to be with her. She married you because she loves you and wants to be with you. When you consistently make time for everyone in your life except your wife, you are making a very big mistake. If needed, cancel something in your schedule so you can give attention to this most important relationship in your life.

5. Never walk in front of your wife. Husbands are notorious for walking in front of their wives, and wives detest it. Too often men act as if they are racing when they walk, usually leaving their wives to walk five to fifteen feet behind them. Now, I understand that you may think your wife walks too slowly, but what is the use of racing in front of her if you must then stop, turn around, and wait for her to catch up with you? It takes the same amount of time to get to your destination, whether you walk alongside your wife or you walk ahead and then wait for her. So take your wife’s hand, and discipline yourself to walk by her side. You’ll shock her by doing this!

6. Never compare your wife to another woman. She wants to be the one and only woman in your life, so comparing her to other women is not wise and shows great disrespect. Do you want her to compare you to other men? I don’t think so.

7. Never make sexual innuendoes about your wife in front of others. This is not only disrespectful; it is deeply offensive to a wife. Your sexual relationship is a time of intimacy that is to be shared only between the two of you. Therefore, when you make jokes about it or talk about it in front of others, you are humiliating your wife and making her feel cheap. This is certainly not a way to cherish her or to treat her like a treasure!

8. Never lie to your wife or tell a half-truth to cover your tracks. Honesty must be the foundation of your relationship. If you violate her trust by lying to her and she discovers it, your act of deception will affect her ability to trust you in the future. Therefore, if you really love your wife, always level with her and be honest. It may be difficult for her to hear what you have to say, but at least she will know you are being honest with her. If she discovers you have been lying to her, this will result in a far greater hurt than if you honestly admit to her what you have done wrong.

9. Never dishonor your wife in front of your children. She is their mother, and they need to be taught to respect and honor her. If you treat her like a joke in front of the kids, they will treat her the same way. Dishonoring her and arguing with her before the children discredits her in their eyes. Do you want her to scold you or rebuke you in front of your children? Wouldn’t you prefer that she express her disagreements with you in private? Then show her the same consideration that you want her to show you.

10. Never forget your wife’s birthday or your wedding anniversary! Excuse me for repeating this point, but it’s important. Men who consistently forget these two important dates and yet expect their marriage relationship to stay healthy are either ignorant or stupid. These are special dates in your wife’s mind. Remembering her birthday tells her that you are thinking of her. Remembering your wedding anniversary tells her that you deeply care about your relationship with her.

Remember, Peter commands husbands in First Peter 3:7 to “give honor” to their wives. As noted earlier, the word “give” describes a calculated decision to show attention, awareness, or consideration to someone else. This pictures a purposeful and premeditated action by a husband to intentionally show attention and demonstrate consideration for his wife.

If these kinds of thoughtful acts don’t come naturally to you, it’s time for you to learn how to do them. Quit saying, “I just don’t think that way,” and learn to think that way! The truth is that you show kindness and consideration to other people, so you can do the same for your wife as well. Peter tells you what your responsibility is as a husband: “…giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel….” If you intend to be an obedient son of God, you have no choice but to learn how to develop these skills in your life, because God commands that you show this kind of consideration to your wife.

If you sincerely want to please the Lord and to be a blessing to your wife, why don’t you go before the Lord today and ask Him to forgive you for being insensitive to her needs? After you talk to the Lord, it is also important that you humble yourself and ask your wife to forgive you as well. Then follow up your repentance with actions. Let the Holy Spirit teach you, correct you, and show you how to become more sensitive to the woman you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with. Never forget — there is no relationship in your life more important than the one you have with your wife!

My Prayer for Today

Lord, I am asking You to please forgive me for being so selfish, self-centered, and neglectful of my wife and her needs. I expect her to faithfully serve me, but I have given her so little in return. I am truly sorry that I’ve ignored her and, as a result, hurt her. I accept responsibility for the role I have played in wounding her and making her feel unimportant. Please help me become more sensitive to my wife. Teach me to speak words that build her up, not words that put her down. As I follow Your leading in this area, please heal my wife’s heart and bring tenderness back into our relationship once more. I accept Your challenge to purposefully show the honor, attention, respect, and tenderness she deserves. Thank You for helping me change in this vital area of my life!

I pray this in Jesus’ name!

My Confession for Today

I confess that I am a loving and caring husband. My wife feels loved, respected, esteemed, and special because I do the things that communicate value to her. The Holy Spirit is helping me become more considerate, more tender, and more thoughtful. Every day I am dying to the flesh and becoming less selfish and self-centered. I am a godly example of what a husband ought to be, and my actions give a great sense of worth to the wife whom Jesus has given to me.

I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!

Questions to Answer

1. When is the last time you did something really extra special for your wife to show her how much you love and care for her?

2. Have you been guilty of jesting about your wife in front of others or of putting her down in front of the children? Would you want her to do this to you?

3. Is it time for you to humble yourself and to ask your wife to forgive you for the times you have been insensitive and uncaring of her needs?

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life….
— 1 Peter 3:7

One of the meanest tricks in the world occurs when a man romances his future bride and treats her like a princess as they are courting — but then once they get married, everything suddenly changes! Before the marriage, the man held her hand, walked with her, opened the door for her, called her on the telephone, wrote her romantic notes, sent her flowers, and took her to dinner. He treated her so royally that she viewed him as her “Prince Charming” and felt like she was his queen!

Unfortunately, upon returning from the honeymoon, many new husbands suspend all those romantic gestures that made their future brides feel so special. These men begin to act as if they have forgotten how to show their brides the tenderness to which they had grown accustomed. As a result of this change in behavior in their new husbands, young brides often feel disappointed, let down, and deceived. They inwardly ask themselves:

• Where is the Prince Charming I fell in love with before I got married?
• Was that all an act?
• Who is this man I have married?
• Who is this man who rarely calls me, who rarely treats me to a date, who seems to have time for everyone except me, and who shows very little tenderness in our relationship?
• Where did the man go who once treated me so nicely?

Men are often unaware that they are becoming insensitive and neglectful of their wives. Perhaps they get busy at work, or their minds are heavy with details, or they are mentally and physically exhausted. These may be some of the contributing factors that explain why men do the things they do. But regardless of what a husband is feeling or going through at work or in his financial affairs, his wife needs his attention and affection. She married him because she wants to be a part of his life. She has a need to feel cherished by him and to know that he wants to include her in his life.

This is precisely why Peter in First Peter 3:7 told husbands that they are to “dwell” with their wives. The word “dwell” is the Greek word sunoikeo, a compound of the word sun and oikos. The word sun always carries the idea of partnership and cooperation. When the word sun is used in the New Testament, it always connects two or more people into a very vital union. The second part of the word, oikos, is the Greek word for a house. When these words are linked together as they are in First Peter 3:7, it means to share a house together or to dwell together in one residence.

But there’s more to this than simply sharing a house together. The fact is, there are many husbands and wives who live in the same house, who eat at the same table, and who share the same bed, yet who don’t really “dwell” together. They are like two ships that occasionally pass each other. Although they share the same residence, they live separate lives, never really connecting with each other.

Because the first part of the word sunoikos (“dwell”) is the word sun, which always conveys the idea of partnership and cooperation, this lets us know that Peter is urging husbands to share their lives with their wives. This is a great challenge to men, who often want to be quiet when they come home after a busy day at work. Many men would rather sit down in front of the television and flip the channels all evening rather than communicate with their wives.

Husband, learning to share your life with your wife is a skill that must be developed. This is why Peter goes on to say that husbands are to “dwell with them according to knowledge.” The phrase “according to knowledge” implies that you must gain understanding of what blesses and distresses your wife. First, you must seek to obtain that knowledge by reading the Word, by reading a good book on marriage, by attending a seminar on how to be a better husband, by listening to a teaching tape on the subject, and so on. Then you must apply what you learn to your marriage if you want to have a happy wife.

For instance, what do you do, husband, when you come home from work in the evening? Perhaps you’re one of those husbands who walks in the door, plops down on the couch, turns on the television, and begins to flip mindlessly through so many channels that it is impossible to focus on any single program. Meanwhile, your wife has been waiting to talk to you all day long, so she sits next to you as you flip from one channel to the next and wonders, Why doesn’t he turn off the television and talk to me instead?

The truth is, you’ve talked to people all day long, and you probably don’t want to talk anymore. But you have a precious wife who needs you at that moment. She has cleaned the house, taken care of the children, cooked your evening meal, and faced her own challenges throughout the day. After an entire day of caring for the children, she needs some adult fellowship. Even more importantly, she wants fellowship with you because you are the one she loves and needs the most.

Why not turn off the television, take your wife by the hand, and ask her to take a walk with you? Or why don’t you sit at the kitchen table with your wife and let her tell you all about her day over a cup of coffee or tea? And after she is finished telling you every nitty-gritty detail of her day, take the time to tell her about your day! She wants to know what you did, whom you talked to, what they said, what happened next, and so on. She wants to know all about you and your day.

Also, instead of spending most evenings and Saturday with the guys or with other people, send a powerful signal to your wife that she is important by scheduling time to be only with her. That’s right, husband — spend quality time with your wife! Take her out to dinner or a movie. Do things together that you both enjoy so you can keep your relationship fresh and alive.

You need to treat your wife like she is the most central, significant, and important partner in your life. This doesn’t mean you can’t spend time with the guys. Certainly you need fellowship with Christian brothers. However, if you spend every free minute with them and never schedule any time with your wife, you are communicating that your male friends are much more important than she is. Is this the message you want to send to your wife?

As you learn to treat your wife with tender care, it will pay off big dividends in your life. If she is assured that she is a top priority in your life and feels secure in her relationship with you, she will gladly follow you and help you wherever God leads. But if she doesn’t feel valued or secure in her position as your wife, she will find it much harder to follow you with a sweet and submissive heart. She may be afraid that if she follows you, she will ultimately find herself abandoned and uncared for. Thus, how you care for your wife greatly determines how easy or difficult it is for her to follow you.

In my own life, my wife and I actually schedule our times to be together. We plan those moments when we will go for a walk together, go shopping, go to a café to have a cup of coffee or tea, or share a special meal with each other. Like most people, our schedules are very busy. We have found that if we don’t plan these times together, all the other responsibilities of our lives and ministry consume us, and in the end, we don’t spend enough quality time together. But because we both consider our marriage relationship to be the most important relationship in our lives, we treat it like it is important and make certain that we spend quality time together on a regular basis.

Husband, I urge you to make the decision that you are going to do more than just share the couch, share the table, and share the bed with your wife. Share your life with her. Open your heart to her; talk to her like she is your best friend and most important confidant. “Dwell” with her and do everything you can to let her know that no one else is as important to you as she is.

If you’re wondering what your marriage will be like if you fail to treat your wife with this kind of tender care, just ask those husbands who have made the mistake of ignoring their wives. They will testify how they hurt their wives, and many husbands will have to admit that they were a big factor in their wives becoming bitter and hardhearted.

When you invest in your wife, you are investing into your own life. You see, if you have a happy wife, you can be sure that you’ll have a partner who is with you all the way. So I urge you today to learn how to dwell with your wife according to knowledge. Make sure that from this day forward, you treat your wife like she is a top priority in your life!

My Prayer for Today

Lord, I ask You to forgive me for not spending enough time with my wife. I know that she needs me and that I haven’t done what I should do to show her the love and attention she deserves. She does so much for me. She loves me and our children and serves us with her whole heart. I am so sorry I’ve been so selfish and haven’t been the husband I need to be for my wife. I repent for my self-centeredness, and I make the decision today to reverse my actions. I want to love her as I should and to do everything I can to communicate that love. Please help me, Lord, to become all I need to be for my wife!

I pray this in Jesus’ name!

My Confession for Today

I boldly confess that I am a loving, caring, attentive husband. As God’s Spirit works in me and transforms me more and more into the image of Jesus Christ, I am becoming a better husband to my wife. Because I love her deeply and regularly show my love to her, she feels secure and confident in our relationship. As a result, she is willing to follow me wherever God leads and is supportive of my decisions. Investing in my life partner is the best investment I can make in my own life. Therefore, I choose this day to invest love and attentive care into my wife — the most important person in my life!

I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!

Questions to Answer

1. Husband, how much time in a week do you think you spend using your remote control to mindlessly flip through the television channels?

2. How much time do you spend talking to your wife and letting her talk to you? Do you have scheduled times when the two of you sit down together to discuss what is happening in your lives so you can stay vitally connected to each other?

3. Husband, what can you eliminate from your schedule so you can spend more time with your wife? Are you sending her the right message when you never have time for her, but you somehow have time for everyone else? Don’t you think it’s time for you to reevaluate your list of activities and make schedule changes to reflect the fact that your wife is more precious to you than anyone else?

What Is a Meek and Quiet Spirit?

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
— 1 Peter 3:3,4

One day I was invited to speak at a church in the city of Kiev in the country of Ukraine. Ministers had gathered from all over to meet me that day and to attend our morning teaching session. After that morning meeting, a large table was set outside on the driveway where all the special guests were seated so they could be served Ukrainian borsch for lunch.

I noticed that an elderly woman, approximately seventy-five years old, was the primary person serving lunch to us that day. As she passed by me, I looked into her face and saw the deep wrinkles that testified to a very hard life. This was a woman who had faced many intense challenges in the course of her life.

Yet when I looked into her eyes, I could see that this was a woman who was very strong in spirit. Although it was evident that she had lived a hard and difficult life, it was also evident that she had never been broken by hardship. The look in her faded blue eyes gripped me, for those eyes seemed to literally radiate life from within her.

I watched with amazement at the way this elderly woman carried bowls of borsch to this person, then to that person, and then to the next. It was obvious that she was delighted to serve the pastors who sat around the table. The tender smile that graced her face and the sweet spirit with which she served captivated my attention. As I kept watching her, I thought to myself, This woman must be one of the most beautiful and graceful women I’ve ever met in my life.

Finally, I turned to the elderly pastor sitting next to me, and I asked, “Who is that woman?”

He looked at me with a sparkle in his eyes and glowingly answered, “That’s my wife.”

During the Soviet years, this pastor had been arrested and sentenced to fifteen years of prison because of his faith. While he was in prison, his wife had been completely responsible for rearing and providing for their fifteen children. As he told me their story, I began to understand why she had such deep wrinkles — a sign of the many hardships she had faced while her husband had been in prison.

Despite her wrinkles and gray hair, this woman’s indomitable spirit shone through and was evident for all to see. This was a woman who had lived a godly life. This was no weak woman, but a very strong and very capable woman.

I continued to watch the pastor’s wife as she kept serving the men around the table, smiling graciously as she refilled empty bowls with more borsch. As I observed her strong but gentle spirit, I thought of Peter’s words to women in First Peter 3:3,4. In those verses, Peter wrote, “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”

Today I want to speak to you about the phrase “meek and quiet spirit.” Contrary to what most people think, these words do not picture a woman who is weak, timid, or soft-spoken. The word “meek” is the Greek word praus, a word that describes the attitude of one who is friendly, warm, forbearing, patient, kind, and gentle. This would picture someone who is just the opposite of a person who is angry, temperamental, or given to outbursts of anger. Although a meek person faces opportunities to react in anger or to get upset, he or she has chosen to be controlled, forgiving, and gentle. Thus, “meek” people are individuals who have become skilled at controlling themselves and their temperament. You might say that meekness is power under control.

When Peter goes on to use the word “quiet” in this verse, he employs the use of the Greek word hisuchios, which depicts a person who knows how to calm himself and to maintain a state of peace and tranquility. Rather than speak up and utter words that are later regretted, this individual stays quiet and refrains from angry responses. He or she deliberately decides not to be a contributor to conflicts, but to be a peacemaker instead.

So when Peter writes about a “meek and quiet spirit,” he is paying the highest compliment to wives who fit this description. These wives are so strong in spirit that they are able to refrain from outbursts of anger and thus are able to become a calming force in a variety of difficult situations. Considering the many opportunities wives have to get shaken or upset by the affairs of life, it is very commendable when a wife is so strong, so consistent, and so stable in the home that she consistently “steadies the ship” and helps keep peace in every situation.

Once again let me stress that Peter is not referring to women who are timid, shy, or weak. It takes great strength to be the kind of woman he is describing. A woman who continually controls herself — holding her temper, keeping a lid on her emotions, and remaining a stable, tranquil force in every situation — is demonstrating evidence of great maturity.

This quality of a meek and quiet spirit is quite a treasure — so much so that God says a woman who has achieved this state of maturity possesses something of “great price.” The words “great price” are from the Greek word poluteles, which conveys the idea of something that is very valuable; something of great cost or great worth; or something that is precious and dear.

God highly values a woman who becomes this kind of strong, steady force in the home. He knows how many times a wife has an opportunity to get upset about something that has happened. So when she chooses to control herself and be a contributor to peace instead of strife, God sees this kind of woman as rare, precious, dear, and to be valued. He appreciates it when she puts aside her own anger or emotions and instead helps peace reign in the situation. God thinks very highly of such a woman!

When I looked into the face of that elderly Ukrainian woman, I could see the strength she possessed, for it was a strength that literally emanated from her. Seeing those deep wrinkles in her face, I could tell she had faced many hardships in life that could have upset her, hurt her, or made her want to take matters into her own hands.

But this was a woman who had allowed God to teach her how to look to Him rather than be swayed by the circumstances of life. Far from being weak and wimpy, she was a tower of strength. Her spirit was both gracious and indomitable. It was obvious that she was godly, pure, and powerful — someone who had made an eternal impact on many lives because of the life she had led.

How about you, my friend?

• Can you say that you are a contributor to peace in your home?
• Can you testify that you are a steady force in rough and upsetting situations?
• Can you really say that you have learned to control your emotions and to be a peacemaker?
• Would you have to admit that you contribute to strife and often make matters worse by giving in to your emotions and speaking things that you later regret?
• Does God see you as a rare and special treasure who brings a sense of peace and stability to your family, or does He see you as a frequent cause of conflict, strife, and a lack of peace in your home?

You may not have experienced the same kind of hardships as the elderly woman in my story today, but you still face many potential conflicts in your own life every day. You have a choice to react either in anger or in meekness. Every time you have an opportunity to react in the flesh or be angry and upset, you can choose instead to be controlled, forgiving, and gentle. Rather than speak up and utter words that will later be regretted, you can choose to be a peacemaker.

In view of what you have read today, can you say that you demonstrate a “meek and quiet spirit,” or do you give evidence of a different kind of attitude? What is God saying to you about your heart and actions, and what are you going to do in light of what you have learned from today’s Sparkling Gem?

My Prayer for Today

Lord, I am so thankful for what I read today. Please help me learn how to keep a rein on my tongue and how to submit my attitude to the Cross of Jesus Christ. Help me also to perceive how I can become a contributor to peace and tranquility instead of strife and conflict. I want to be one of those rare and special women You consider of such great value and worth. Holy Spirit, it’s going to take a deep work of Your grace in my life for me to become this kind of person. So today I ask You to initiate this vital work deep inside my soul. Please transform me and make me into the person You want me to be.

I pray this in Jesus’ name!

My Confession for Today

I confess that I am a source of stability and peace in my home. I don’t give in to anger or fly into a rage and say things I later regret. My husband and my children can depend on me to be a tower of strength even in the midst of turmoil and difficult situations. Because I am so stable, I help bring stability to my husband, to my children, and to the general atmosphere in my home. Instead of being a contributor to strife, conflict, and turmoil, God uses me to bring peace and tranquility to all those who are near me.

I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!

Questions to Answer

1. Are you a source of stability in your home? Or are you a constant contributor to strife, turmoil, and a lack of peace?

2. If your husband felt the freedom to say what he really thought, would he say you are a help or a hindrance to the peace and tranquility of the home? What do you think your children would say if they were asked this question?

3. In light of what you have read today, what do you sense God is telling you about needed changes in your life, attitude, and actions?

What Will You Do When the Effects of Gravity Start To Show Up?

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
— 1 Peter 3:3,4

When a young bride prepares for her wedding, she wants to be beautiful for the man she is about to marry. She goes to the salon to have her hair fixed and her nails manicured. Everything has to look as perfect as possible for that moment when she says “I do” to her husband at the church altar.

It is right and normal for a woman to desire to look gorgeous for this long-awaited moment in her life. But when I am the one performing the wedding ceremony, there always comes a point in the ceremony when I peer into the eyes of the beautiful young bride and tell her:

“Today you look so beautiful in your white wedding gown. You are the perfect picture of a gorgeous bride. But a day will come when your body will begin to change, when wrinkles will start to appear, and gravity will begin to move things from where they used to be! When that day comes — and it will come — the most beautiful thing you’ll have to offer your husband will not be your body but a godly, beautiful, unfading spirit. Never forget that your spirit is what will make your husband think you are beautiful to the very last day of your life!”

People in the audience always giggle when I say these words. Most of these giggles come from people who are middle-aged and who see wrinkles when they look in the mirror. They are beginning to experience the middle-aged effects of gravity! Parts of their bodies that used to be strong and firm are starting to droop, and they feel tempted to lament when they look in the mirror.

That’s why it’s important to remember that the most beautiful thing a wife has to offer her husband is not her body but her spirit. The good news is that when the body begins to show signs of age, the human spirit remains remarkably free from its effects. This is why Paul said, “…Though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day” (2 Corinthians 4:16).

Perhaps you can think of a time when you met an elderly man or woman who was so young at heart that it simply amazed you. Now you know why! The process of aging affects the human body, but it has no effect on the spirit.

When Peter wrote to wives in First Peter 3, he instructed them to give attention to the “hidden man of the heart.” These words are very significant, for they refer here to the spirit of a godly woman. The word “hidden” is the word kruptos, which describes something that is hidden or veiled from the eyes. The word “heart” is the Greek word kardia, which is the Greek word for the physical organ of the heart. Just as the physical organ of the heart is hidden from human sight, so the inner man is not visible to the natural eye.

By using the word kardia (the Greek word for the “heart”), Peter is giving us a powerful insight regarding the human spirit. The heart is the central vital organ of the body. Although the heart is invisible to natural sight, the human body cannot live without it. The heart has a direct impact on every single part of the body as it pumps blood through arteries and many miles of blood vessels.

Paul uses the word kardia (“heart”) to let us know that the human spirit is very similar to the natural heart. For instance, although the human spirit is invisible to the eyes, it is vital to life. According to James 2:26, where there is no spirit, the physical body dies. Thus, the spirit is the life-giving force within a human being.

The natural heart pumps blood into every part of the body and thereby influences a person’s ability to live and function. Similarly, whatever is produced in the human spirit determines the ultimate outcome of a person’s life. If a person’s spirit is filled with darkness, it will pump darkness into every part of that person’s life. On the other hand, if a person’s spirit is filled with the life of God, it will pump life into every part of that person’s being. Whatever is in the spirit is exactly what will be reproduced in a person’s life and conduct.

This is precisely why Peter urges wives to take time and care to develop their spirits, which he calls “the hidden man of the heart.” A woman who wants to be truly beautiful, even after her body begins to age, must put time and effort into the development of her spirit.

You see, there are many outwardly beautiful people who are inwardly wicked; therefore, their beauty is only skin deep — neither long-lasting nor impressive. Although these people spend hours adorning and grooming themselves, what is inside them is projected clear through their outer adornment. Since they are actually unkind and inwardly ugly people, their inner ugliness ruins the effect of their physical beauty and causes them to be perceived as unattractive people. The truth is, some of the meanest and most wicked, vile people in the world are physically beautiful, yet their inner attitudes cause them to be very repulsive to those around them.

Peter is addressing this exact issue in First Peter 3:3,4. Because the human spirit is the life-force of an individual, he encourages women to not only fix their faces and their hair, but to also beautify their spirits, even though the spirit man is invisible to the natural eye.

Peter also declares that the hidden man of the heart is that part of the human being that is “incorruptible.” The word “incorruptible” is the Greek word aphthartos, which refers to something that is incapable of decay or something that is incapable of suffering the effects of wear, tear, and age. This word clearly describes the hidden part of the human being that never grows old or experiences the effects of aging.

As my wife grows older, I look upon her with greater respect than ever before. Honestly, I think she is physically beautiful and I am honored to be married to such an attractive woman. But what makes her most beautiful to me is not her hair, her face, her figure, or her clothing. The most beautiful part of my wife is her heart. The sweet fragrance of Jesus Christ emanates from her heart, through her attitudes, and into her words and actions, making her one of the loveliest people I’ve ever known.

Of course, I appreciate the fact that Denise works hard to stay in shape, to eat right, and to look so striking every day. The way she dresses reveals her character and desire to be excellent in everything she does. I am very aware that another reason she diligently works to look beautiful is that she wants to honor me by looking nice.

As a husband, I have a responsibility, as every husband does, to acknowledge when my wife looks beautiful. She needs that acknowledgement from me. But the part of Denise that first captured my heart and continues to do so today is not her body; it is her heart. Her heart is so beautiful that it makes me stand back and watch her with great admiration!

I regularly observe and take note of what Denise does to keep her heart in this godly shape. She rises early to read her Bible and to seek the face of God. When the rest of us are still sleeping, she kneels on the floor in her prayer room to pray and to worship. She weeps before the Lord as He deals with her about the attitudes He wants to change in her. She spends hours asking Him to change her and to make her more like Him.

Because my wife has made the development and maturity of her spirit such a central focus in her life, I can tell you that she continually captures my heart. Although we are getting older and our bodies are beginning to change, she is more gorgeous to me today than ever before. I know that as we grow older and older, she will only become more beautiful, because as the flesh wanes, it will only make it more possible for her dynamic heart to shine brighter!

As noted in yesterday’s Sparkling Gem, God is not against women using cosmetics, wearing jewelry, or arraying themselves in fine clothing. But all the world’s finest jewelry and most expensive makeup and clothing cannot make a person with an ugly heart look beautiful. Whatever is in the spirit is exactly what will be reproduced in a person’s life.

Wife, I urge you to take heed to Peter’s plea in these verses. For the sake of both your marriage and your personal walk with God, make the decision to not only adorn your outward appearance, but also to turn your attention to the hidden man of the heart.

My Prayer for Today

Lord, help me give adequate attention to my heart so I can develop my spirit and become more godly in how I live my life. I pray that the strength and godliness that resides in my spirit will manifest in my life, emanating from within me and making me more gracious and more beautiful the older I get. I look to You, Lord, for help in growing old gracefully and emanating power in my older years.

I pray this in Jesus’ name!

My Confession for Today

I confess that my spirit is getting stronger and stronger as I get older. My inner man is adorned with godliness and grace. The older I get, the more visible my inward man becomes — and what is seen coming from within me makes me attractive, even though I am getting a little wrinkled and gravity is having its effects on my physical form. I am inwardly strong and beautiful, and this inner beauty is what attracts people to me.

I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!

Questions to Answer

1. What are you doing on a daily basis to develop the inner beauty within you?

2. Can you name some individuals who grew more powerful and more beautiful the older they became? What is it that strikes you most about these individuals?

3. Why don’t you take the time to ask a few of these individuals to tell you the secret of their beauty in their latter years?

Is God Against Cosmetics?

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
— 1 Peter 3:3,4

Many years ago, my wife and I were invited to minister in a church that believed it was a sin for women to wear jewelry or cosmetics. We only discovered it was this kind of church when we arrived that evening.

As is our custom in our ministry before I preach the Word, Denise stood to sing. Her song was exceptionally beautiful and anointed that night. However, I noticed that while she sang, the people kept pointing to her lips and to her earrings. They were obviously distraught about Denise’s jewelry and cosmetics — and as a result, they missed the entire song!

It is on the basis of First Peter 3:3,4 that some religious groups believe the use of jewelry and cosmetics is a sin. Those verses say, “Whose adorning let is not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”

Was Peter really saying that it was a sin for a wife or a woman to wear jewelry or cosmetics? Let’s look at these verses to see exactly what Peter was communicating when he wrote them. You will see that Peter was not bothered by wives or women wearing jewelry or cosmetics. Instead, he was telling them not to invest all their time in their faces and their outward appearance while forgetting to invest time in developing their hearts.

You see, women in the first century, especially upper-class Greek and Roman women, were obsessed with their outward appearance. They were flamboyant in their hairstyles, spent vast amounts of money on cosmetics, arrayed themselves in luxurious jewelry, and prided themselves in the lavish clothing they wore. Nothing was wrong with their desire to look nice — except they were so consumed with adorning their bodies that they forgot to adorn their hearts!

The word “adorning” in First Peter 3:3 is the Greek word kosmos, which is used 187 times in the New Testament. As noted earlier, the word kosmos carries the idea of something that is ordered or something that is set in a certain arrangement. This word kosmos is where we get the word cosmetics. This tells us that when a woman applies makeup to her face, she is trying to add order to her face. The King James Version translates it adorning because the application of cosmetics not only beautifies a woman’s appearance, but also gives it a greater sense of order. I assure you that husbands appreciate this “adorning” very much!

Contrary to what some religious groups assert, there is no implication in this verse that cosmetics are a sin. Peter simply never says that! As noted above, Peter’s point is that women shouldn’t put all their efforts into adorning their faces; they need to remember to adorn their hearts as well.

Then Peter goes on to mention the “plaiting of hair.” By using this phrase, he is referring to a practice that was very common among Greek and Roman women in the first century. These women didn’t just pull out the blow dryer and spend twenty minutes preparing their hair for the day. Rather, they literally spent multiplied hours toiling with their hair! I say women “toiled” with their hair because it took a great deal of work and time to produce the fashionable hairstyles of that time. In fact, the word “plaiting” used by Peter is the Greek word emploke, which describes the intricate, complex, and outrageously elaborate braiding of a woman’s hair.

You see, the Greek and Roman women were obsessed with turning their hair into towers of intricate curls and braids. If you visit a museum of antiquities and look at the statues of first-century women, it will amaze you to see the thousands of little curls that were woven into women’s hair.

This hairstyle was considered beautiful, elegant, and fashionable in the first century. Husbands must have thought this style was beautiful on their wives because the fashion trend was imitated all over the Roman Empire. As a result of this popular rage, women invested huge amounts of time and great sums of money to produce the desired effect.

As you will see, Peter was not against woman making their hair more beautiful. He simply didn’t want believing women to focus all their attention on their hair and forget to improve the condition of their hearts.

Next, Peter mentions the “wearing of gold.” This was another common practice that was considered very fashionable. The word “wearing” is from the Greek word perithesis, and it describes placing an object, such as a piece of jewelry, around oneself. You see, the Greek and Roman women loved to drape many chains of gold around their necks, affix multiple solid gold bands around their upper arms, and wear many golden rings on each finger. They considered their appearance to be more impressive and beautiful when they were elaborately decked out in layers of gold.

Peter then discusses the “putting on of apparel.” The word “apparel” is the Greek word himation. It pictures the brightly colored, richly beaded, posh clothing that was popular among Greek and Roman women in the first century. Women were so fashion-conscious that they frequently changed their clothes during the course of the day. This means they were constantly running in and out of the closet and looking at themselves in the mirror as they fine-tuned their outward appearance for the day’s different events.

Consider the many hours women spent applying their cosmetics, fixing their hair, and draping themselves in gold. Now add the multiple times they changed clothes in a day and all the time spent adjusting their clothes in front of a mirror after each change. When you take all this into account, you realize that these women used a very significant portion of their time — not to mention investing a large amount of their money — in maintaining their outward appearance.

When Peter wrote about all these things, he began by saying, “Whose adorning let it not be.…” Many have understood this statement to be a prohibition against wearing cosmetics, gold, or expensive clothing and against fixing one’s hair. But in reality, Peter was simply urging wives not to make the mistake of putting so much time and attention into improving their outward appearance that they failed to invest time in the maintenance and beautifying of their inner man.

This is why Peter goes on to say, “But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” In essence, he was saying, “Ladies, it’s all right to do what you can to look outwardly beautiful. However, don’t forget that the most important emphasis and the place to invest most of your time should be in the beautifying of the hidden man of the heart.”

Dear wife, it is all right for you to look beautiful. In fact, your husband appreciates it when you make yourself look beautiful for him. Demonstrating to your husband that you want to look pretty for him is one way you can show honor to him. Therefore, Peter’s words are not a prohibition against trying to look the best you can in your outward appearance!

Then what is Peter saying to wives and women? He is simply stating that it is a mistake for women to put so much time and effort into their outward appearance that they ignore their inner man — the true source of their beauty. Peter knew it was the custom of first-century wives and women in general to spend countless hours working on their face and hair, so he wanted to encourage them to work on their hearts as much as they worked on their outward appearance!

So do all you can to look beautiful, wife, and don’t feel guilty because you wear beautiful jewelry or nice clothes. But at the same time, don’t forget that your spirit is the real you and the most beautiful part of you. God isn’t against your desire to work on your outward appearance; however, He wants you to spend at least an equal amount of time developing and beautifying your spirit.

Are you spending enough time “adorning” your spirit the way God wants you to? The answer to that question will largely determine the quality not only of your marriage, but of your life!

My Prayer for Today

Lord, thank You for wanting me to look beautiful, both inside and outside, both for myself and for my spouse. I take this word to my heart today, and I make the decision that from this day forward, I will spend at least the same amount of time beautifying my spirit as I spend looking nice in my outward appearance. Forgive me, Lord, for those days when I have found time to dress properly and look outwardly attractive, but I didn’t take the time to pray or read my Bible. Help me get my priorities in order as I make the development of my spirit a higher priority than fixing my hair or putting on makeup.

I pray this in Jesus’ name!

My Confession for Today

I confess that the beautifying of my spirit is a high priority in my life. I don’t make the mistake of putting all my time and effort into improving my outward appearance while forgetting to invest time in the development of my spirit. I read my Bible; I pray; and I let God deal with my heart. Because I have made the choice to make my spirit beautiful, I am becoming more godly and beautiful all the time. I have an inward beauty that far outshines anything I could ever do to improve the appearance of my outward man!

I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!

Questions to Answer

1. How much time do you spend on your outward appearance every day? How does that compare to the amount of time you daily spend with God?

2. How much time do you think you should be spending alone with God every day in order to develop and beautify your spirit the way God wants you to?

3. What is one area in your inner thoughts and attitudes that you know needs to be changed? What steps are you taking to remove the ugliness that keeps springing from that part of your life and to replace it with the godly fragrance of Jesus Christ?

Wives, Don’t Be ‘Preachy’ With Your Husbands

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
— 1 Peter 3:1,2

Many years ago we had a young couple in our church who were madly in love with each other. Every time I saw them, they were holding hands and looking blissfully into each other’s eyes. We all got such a kick out of watching them and were excited about their upcoming wedding.

Several months after they were married, I noticed that this young husband looked downcast and depressed. I went to him privately and asked, “How is marriage?” He replied, “Why didn’t someone warn me about how terrible this was going to be?” I was shocked by his response, so I asked him, “Please tell me what is happening to give you such a bad impression of marriage.”

The husband proceeded to tell me about all the rules his wife had made for him and their household. For instance, if he didn’t read his Bible when he woke up in the morning, she refused to make his breakfast. Her rule was “No Bible, no breakfast!” He told me that many mornings he would go to the kitchen to get his sack lunch for the day, and his new bride would tell him, “Today the Lord has told me that you need to fast, so there won’t be any lunch for you today. You need to spend time in prayer.”

The young man continued to tell me that many evenings when he came home from work exhausted, his wife would order him, “Tonight we are going to sit on the couch and read the Bible together for two hours —you, me, and my mother. Then we’re going to spend an hour in prayer.”

When I heard what was happening, I chuckled inside. I knew this sweet little new bride was trying to encourage her husband to be the spiritual leader of their new home, but her approach wasn’t effective. In fact, it was having just the opposite effect she desired.

Instead of causing her husband to feel closer to her, this young wife was pushing him far away by constantly preaching at him and demanding that he become the spiritual leader she expected him to be. But after the couple attended a few counseling sessions with me, the wife backed off and let her husband assume his leadership role on his own terms. When she relaxed and let him lead in a way that was more natural to him, the tension left their marriage and they reentered marital bliss!

A wife who takes on the role of preaching at her husband will never find this method very effective. It is usually a huge turn-off for a husband because it makes him feel like his wife, who is supposed to be his greatest supporter, has instead become his corrector and boss. Men resent this behavior. This is why Peter told the wives, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives” (1 Peter 3:1).

In the first century, women came to Christ more readily than men — a situation that has always seemed to exist in the Church. This meant that a huge portion of the Early Church was comprised of women who had come to Jesus Christ but whose husbands remained unsaved. Of course, these women wanted their husbands to be saved, so after a church service, they would often run home and begin to preach to their husbands. They saw themselves as God’s anointed evangelists to bring their husbands into the fold.

But those unsaved husbands didn’t perceive this to be a blessing! From the husbands’ perspective, their wives’ preaching sounded like nagging and complaining. This approach produced such negative results that Peter told wives to stop preaching to their husbands and to instead live godly lives before them as their method of evangelizing. Peter wrote, “…If any [husbands] obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives” (1 Peter 3:1).

The phrase “…if any obey not the word…” alludes to unsaved husbands, but it could also refer to saved husbands who are not living in obedience to God’s Word. The words “obey not” are from the Greek word apeitho, which emphatically refers to someone who refuses to be persuaded. This person isn’t just ignorant of the truth; he is defiant and rejecting of it. Therefore, besides referring to unsaved husbands who hear the message and reject it, as Peter was most likely writing about, this phrase could also refer to saved husbands who refuse to do what they know God wants them to do.

I can think of so many Christian wives who want their husbands to change. These wives beg, plead, nag, and pester their husbands all the time to do this different or to do that different. But no matter how hard a wife pressures her husband, he will remain stubborn, obstinate, and unmoved. If God doesn’t touch his heart and cause him to respond on his own, all the begging and nagging in the world won’t change his heart.

Wife, whether your husband is saved or unsaved, the method of impacting him is the same. Peter says you can win your husband without ever uttering a single word!

Now look at the phrase “…they also may without the word be won….” The word “won” is the Greek word kerdeo, an old Greek word which means to act cleverly. It was often used in secular literature to depict someone who won a game, such as the game of casting lots. In today’s world, it could depict a person who plays his cards right and therefore walks off with the booty!

Therefore, the word kerdeo (“won”) means to wise up; to act cleverly; to play the game correctly; or in today’s vernacular, to play your cards right. Peter is telling wives how to win the game of positively influencing their husbands without ever saying a word! He tells them that the most influential thing wives can do is to let their husbands see their “conversation.”

The word “conversation” is the Greek word anastrophe, a Greek word that refers to how a person rises up and sits down; goes in and goes out; and turns this way or that way. In other words, the word anastrophe gives a picture of how a person conducts his life and how he or she behaves in every situation. By using this word, we are told that there is no message more powerful than a godly life — and that a wife who lives a godly life before her husband greatly impacts his decisions and the way he lives.

The Greek words used in this text present the following idea:

“…If any refuse to comply with the Word and do what it says, you can still win the game without ever uttering a single word by simply letting your husband take note of and observe the way you live your life before him.”

I am married to a very godly woman. Denise has great influence in my life, not because of what she says but because of how she lives. I see her pray every morning. I watch as she sacrifices to follow me and how she has always done it with a willing and joyful heart. I have watched her forgive those who wronged us and our ministry. I see how attentively she takes care of our sons and how she loves our son’s wife. She stands by me, supports me, helps me, encourages me, and is indeed my closest friend.

Denise’s godly life is her greatest pulpit. I see her rising up, her sitting down, her going in, her going out, her turning this way and that way. Because I know her life and her outstanding attitude, I have great respect for her, and I listen when she speaks to me about things that concern her. In fact, of all the people in my life, my wife has the single greatest impact on me and my decisions. Her godly life has empowered her to have this authority with me. You could say that she won me and my respect because she showed me her life instead of just preaching sermons at me.

This is a good example of Peter’s statement to wives in verse 2 that husbands will “…behold your chaste conversation.…” The word “behold” is the Greek word epopteuo, which in Greek means to observe, to watch, to monitor, to scrutinize, or to keep under observation. The tense used in the Greek indicates a continual observation. This means a husband doesn’t just notice his wife’s behavior once; rather, he keeps a watch on her behavior and attitude all the time.

Wife, let me tell you a secret. Your husband may not tell you, but he is watching you. He sees and is amazed when you remain happy and content in very unhappy circumstances. He notices when you have an opportunity to be angry but choose instead to be silent and to take that anger to the Lord. Your husband observes your uncomplaining attitude when financial sacrifice is required. On the other hand, he also takes note when you blow your top and say ugly things. You can be sure that even though your husband may not tell you, he is constantly monitoring your attitude and responses to the situations of life.

This is why Peter says that you should let your husband “…behold your chaste conversation….” The word “chaste” is the word agnos. It refers to holiness, purity, or irreproachable conduct. In other words, men notice it when their wives are awesome! A wife’s godly conduct is the most influential, powerful sermon she could ever preach to her husband.

Peter goes on to say, “While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.” This word “fear” does not refer to the kind of fear that makes a person shake and tremble because he is terrified. In this context, it carries the idea of respect. Knowing that a husband feels valued when he senses his wife’s respect, Peter urges women to live holy lives before their husbands and to do everything they can to demonstrate respect to them.

The words in First Peter 3:2 could be paraphrased to carry this meaning:

“Wives, your husbands are watching you constantly. They see you rising up; they see you sitting down; they see you going in; and they see you going out. They are constantly observing you, so make sure they are seeing you live a pure and holy life, and give them honor and respect as you do it.”

If you’ve been preaching at your husband to no effect, perhaps it’s time for you to change your method. Make the quality decision to stop talking to him about the things you’ve been wanting him to change in his life. Instead, take your concerns to God in prayer. Leave your husband alone, and let God deal with him.

When you suddenly fall silent and cease to preach at your husband, I guarantee you that he will notice a change has taken place in your approach toward him. He will “behold” this change in your attitude. He will “behold” that you aren’t correcting him anymore. He will “behold” that you are leaving him alone and that you have chosen to take a different route.

As you learn to stay silent rather than preach at your husband, he will probably begin to hear the Holy Spirit speaking to his heart. And when your husband sees you maintain an excellent attitude in the midst of circumstances that aren’t going your way, his heart will be drawn to you. He’ll begin to get convicted, and his desire to do more to please you will start to grow.

You see, wife, Peter knew exactly what he was talking about when he wrote that you could win your husband without a word. Therefore, it’s time for you to get before God and ask Him to change your heart and your attitude about your husband. Learn to be clever by keeping your mouth closed and letting your godly life and good attitude do the preaching for you!

My Prayer for Today

Lord, I ask You to help me learn when to speak and when to be silent. I don’t want my husband to perceive me as a nagging wife. Please forgive me for preaching at him when I should have been praying for him. Help me to stop focusing on all the things I don’t like about him and to start working on all the things that need to change inside me. I want to be a blessing to my husband. Please help me live a life so godly and powerful that it becomes my pulpit in our marriage.

I pray this in Jesus’ name!

My Confession for Today

I confess that I live a powerful, godly, and chaste life before my husband and am therefore a constant encouragement to him. He seeks my advice; he wants my help; and he desires to know what I believe is right regarding decisions that affect our family and relationship. God’s Spirit is changing me and making me to be the kind of wife He wants me to be!

I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!

Questions to Answer

1. Can you think of a time when your husband resisted your continual requests for him to do something — but then suddenly changed his mind after you backed off and left him alone?

2. Have you had moments when you’ve heard the Holy Spirit say, “Leave your husband alone, and I’ll deal with him”? Did you leave your husband alone as the Spirit instructed you, or did you keep hammering at him to do what you wanted?

3. What is the most important thing you have learned from today’s Sparkling Gem?

Wives, Be Supportive Of Your Husbands

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.
— 1 Peter 3:1

When the apostle Peter wrote about the needs of husbands and wives in First Peter 3, he knew exactly what he was writing about. Peter had been married for a very long time when he wrote these famous words about marriage. That means Peter was speaking from many years of being successfully married to a wife who traveled with him in the ministry (see 1 Corinthians 9:5).

As Peter addresses wives about how to be a blessing to their husbands, he begins by telling them, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands.…” The word “subjection” is the Greek word hupotasso, a compound of the words hupo and tasso. The word hupo means under, and the word tasso means to arrange or to put something in order. It was often used in a military sense to describe soldiers who were expected to fall in line and submit to their commanding officers. Every time the word hupotasso is used, it describes the relationship of someone who is submitted to some type of authority and who is expected to act according to that order of authority.

There are many other examples where the word hupotasso is used in the New Testament. For instance, Paul uses this word in First Timothy 3:4, where he gives the instruction that children are to be “in subjection” to their parents. The word “subjection” in this verse is also the word hupotasso, which emphatically means that God has given parents the authority to lead their children and that children are to respectfully submit to their parents’ authority.

When Luke writes of Jesus’ relationship to Joseph and Mary in Luke 2:51, he uses the word hupotasso to describe this parent-child relationship. You see, Jesus was the Son of God and Creator of the universe. But while He was in the flesh, He followed God’s pattern, respectfully submitting to and following His parents’ God-given authority.

This example in Jesus’ life shows the extent to which God respects the order He has set in the home. Although Jesus is God and could have done what He wished while He walked on this earth, He voluntarily submitted to the authority God had entrusted to His parents, thus setting an example for all children to follow.

The word hupotasso was most frequently used in a military sense to describe a soldier’s submission to military authority. This tells us that just as the army has a specific order of authority, so has God designed a certain order for the home that He expects to be followed. Because Peter uses the word hupotasso when writing to wives, he leaves no doubt from a linguistic point of view that God has set the husband as the head of the home and the wife is to respectfully fall in line and submit to his authority.

Because Peter uses the Greek word hupotasso in this verse, it means he is encouraging wives in this way:

“Likewise, wives, you need to position yourself under your husband’s authority. This is God’s order for your home, so do all you can to become supportive of your husband.…”

Peter knew that one of the greatest needs of a husband is to have a wife with a supportive attitude. You see, a man fights at his job all day long, struggling to pay the bills and trying to overcome his own insecurities and self-image problems. If he then comes home to a wife who nags, complains, and gripes about everything he doesn’t do right, her behavior has a very negative effect on him. He’s already fought the devil all day long; he certainly doesn’t need to come home to a wife who is ready to fight with him!

As a result, the husband often responds to a nagging and critical wife by hardening and insulating his heart against her. Instead of drawing closer to his wife, he withdraws from her emotionally.

Now, it’s important to understand that when Peter commands a woman to be in subjection to her own husband, he is not recommending that she become a “doormat” whom the husband takes advantage of. Rather, Peter is urging each wife to take her place as her husband’s chief supporter and helper.

When a husband comes home from a hard day at work, he needs to be greeted by a loving, caring, kind, understanding, and supportive wife. This kind of wife makes a husband feel as if he’s found a place where he can find rest and solace for his soul. Her supportive attitude makes him want to run to her, for she has fulfilled her role as his best friend and partner.

Although we do find one New Testament scripture where the older women are told to teach the younger women how to love their husbands (Titus 2:4), it is very interesting to note that nowhere in the New Testament are women directly commanded to love their husbands. Instead, wives are told to be “in subjection” to their husbands. Why is this? Because a husband perceives his wife’s love when he senses her support.

Nothing communicates a wife’s love to her husband better than a supportive attitude. It is when a wife gets out of that supportive role and attempts to become the husband’s authority and head, constantly rebuking and correcting him for what he isn’t doing right, that her actions cause him to emotionally push away from her.

Wife, God never designed you to assume authority over your husband. It will therefore bring disruption to your marital relationship whenever you attempt to do so. So if you want your husband to know how much you love him, look for ways to show him your support. In this case, your attitude and actions really do speak louder than words.

Writing by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit and from many years of personal experience, Peter urges wives to be submissive to their husbands and thus demonstrate their love and respect to them. Now, it is important to understand that submission is not just an outward action; it is a condition of the heart. It is possible for a wife to outwardly comply but still be inwardly unsubmissive and resentful.

Thus, there are two ways a wife can respond to her husband’s authority:

1. She can follow his leadership angrily and resentfully, kicking and screaming all the way.
2. She can submit voluntarily with a joyful and supportive attitude.

If a wife follows her husband with resentment in her heart, he will feel this resentment. A man can sense whether his wife is complying because she must or submitting with a joyful and supportive heart.

When the wife takes the second approach and follows him with a thankful and happy heart — even if she has to deny her own desires or pleasures to do so — she sends a loud signal to the husband that causes him to want to love her. This is an important result of willing submission, for being loved is the primary thing every wife needs to receive from her husband. This is also the reason God commands men to love their wives (see Ephesians 5:25).

Wife, have you been assuming a corrective role toward your husband? Does it seem like he is becoming more and more distant from you? If so, I urge you to take a new approach in your relationship with your husband on the basis of Peter’s instruction in First Peter 3:1. Rather than constantly correcting him and pointing out all his flaws, go to God with the things that disturb you about him. Meanwhile, work on becoming the most significant supporter and friend your husband has ever known.

If you respond correctly to your husband’s God-given authority in the home, God will work on his heart. The end result will be a growing desire in your husband to shower you with all the love, tenderness, and affection that you need!

My Prayer for Today

Lord, I ask You to please forgive me for complaining to my husband about everything he does that I don’t like. He needs me to be his friend and supporter, and I now realize how often he must perceive me as another enemy he has to fight. Please help me to come to You with all my complaints while maintaining a helpful and supportive attitude toward my husband. I am sorry for the damage I’ve done, and I now ask You to help me turn things around in my marriage relationship. Teach me how to respond in every situation with a respectful and supportive attitude toward my husband. I know I need Your help, Lord, so I am looking to You for the grace and the strength I need to do this right.

I pray this in Jesus’ name!

My Confession for Today

I confess that I am a supportive wife who demonstrates love in the way I approach my husband. He doesn’t see me as a nagging and complaining wife but as a friend to confide in and to look to for strength. God is able to speak to my husband without my interference. I trust God to speak to him, and I trust God to deal with my heart and to help me take on a supportive role in our home.

I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!

Questions to Answer

1. Are you a support to your husband, or does he feel like you are attacking him most of the time? Does he draw near to you, or does he shut up and emotionally protect himself when the two of you are together?

2. Judging from your husband’s response to you, what do you need to change in the way you are approaching him?

3. Why don’t you ask the Holy Spirit to give you ten new ways you can demonstrate your support for your husband and show him that you are behind him? Write down these ten ways to be supportive, and then begin to do them today.

Wisdom — God’s Guarantee!

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
— James 1:5

Yesterday we learned from James 1:5 that if you and I lack wisdom, we have the right to go to God and insist that He give us the answers we need. In fact, the Greek tense used in that verse tells us that God actually commands us to come to Him when we need wisdom. Furthermore, the Greek word used to describe us asking God for wisdom indicates that God wants us to be firm and resolute when we request wisdom from Him.

But before God will open His hand and give us the wisdom we need, there is a condition we must meet. That condition is spelled out very clearly in James 1:5, where the Bible says, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God.…”

The condition we must meet to receive wisdom from God is found in the phrase “of God.” In Greek, these are the words para theou. The word para means alongside of, and it depicts a very close, side-by-side, intimate position next to someone else. The word theou is the Greek word for God. When these words are placed together in a phrase, as in this verse, it pictures a person who comes right alongside of God, who comes as close to God as possible, who stands side-by-side with Him. In this statement, we discover God’s requirement of us before He will give us the wisdom we need. If we want wisdom, we must come right up alongside of God in order to obtain it.

You see, God wants a relationship with us. He doesn’t want to just freely hand out answers to our problems. He wants us to come to Him. And the moment we get side-by-side with God, He opens His hand and reveals everything we need to know and understand about the situations we are facing.

So often, however, believers allow themselves to become too busy with the affairs of life, and they fail to take time out of their hectic schedules to get into the intimate Presence of God. They want God to meet their need “on demand,” but they don’t want to fulfill God’s need to be close to His people.

Rushing into the Presence of the Lord, these believers stay only long enough to make their requests known to Him before they rush out again to resume their busy schedules. They don’t stay long enough for God to enjoy them and to speak to their hearts about the deeper subjects of life that may be the real root of their problems and shortfalls.

When James tells us to “ask” God for the wisdom we need, the word “ask” means we can be very bold and insistent. But for us to get what we request, we must ask “of God.” In other words, we must come right up alongside of God, getting as close to Him as possible, and then make our request. If we will fulfill this requirement of coming close to God and opening our hearts to Him and to His touch, He will then gladly open His hand and show us every answer we need.

But be prepared for God to show you additional things you weren’t expecting to see! When you come into His glorious light, that light penetrates you and reveals defects and dark places in your soul and behavior patterns that need to be changed. But if you stay out of God’s Presence, it is very possible that these defects may never become apparent to your own eyes, for many things can only be revealed by getting into His Presence. Could it be that you have avoided the Presence of God because you are afraid of what you might see in yourself if you came into His glorious light?

Once you fulfill this requirement of getting right alongside of God, He is obligated to give you the wisdom you seek from Him. That is why James says that God “…giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not….” The word “giveth” is the Greek word didontos, which comes from the word didomi. The word didomi means to give, but the form used here is didontos, which describes one who is in the habit of constantly giving. This assuredly tells us that God is not one who holds out on His people or who refrains from giving them wisdom when they need it. Instead, James tells us that God is in the habit of giving wisdom to His people when they need it. He is “the giving God.”

Not only does God give us the wisdom we need when we meet His requirement to come close to Him, but James 1:5 promises that He gives it “…liberally, and upbraideth not….” The word “liberally” is the Greek word haploos. It depicts something that is given generously, abundantly, plentifully, bountifully, and open-handedly. You see, if we’ll meet God’s requirement to come close to Him, He will profusely answer the questions we have and impart the wisdom we need.

The words “upbraideth not” are from the Greek word oneididzo, which means to rebuke or to reprove. However, in this case, the word me is used in front of this word, making the entire Greek phrase me oneididzontes, which means to not rebuke or to not reprove.

In other words, God will not rebuke you or reprove you for asking anything of Him. You are His child, and He wants you to have the wisdom you need for life. You’ll find God to be open-hearted and ready to answer any question you ever put to Him. But before He gives you those answers, He first wants you to fulfill His requirement of coming alongside of Him, where He can love you and fellowship with you and where you can feel and experience His love.

In that up-close, side-by-side encounter with God, you will also become aware of all the other areas of your life that need attention. And here’s the good news: In His glorious Presence, God will not only make you aware of these areas that need adjustment, He will also give you the power and ability to change!

James 1:5 says that if you will meet God’s requirement to come close to Him, “the giving God” will give you the wisdom and answers you need. So don’t let yourself rush in and out of the Presence of God too quickly any longer. It’s time for you to learn how to spend time in the Presence of the Lord so He can shine His glorious light upon your life! Let Him bathe you in His glory. Let His glory shine on you and reveal the dark areas in your life that need to be changed. Stay in His Presence long enough to let the wisdom you are seeking sink into your spirit and soul.

Never forget that God is “the giving God” who wants to meet your need. But for that need to be met, you have to come right up alongside Him — and you can only do that by making room in your daily schedule for spending time in His Presence. Are you ready to include God in your schedule today?

My Prayer for Today

Lord, I know that You are a giving God who wants to meet my needs and answer my questions. But I understand now that I have a condition to meet first: You require me to come close to You so You can reveal to me those things I need to know. Please forgive me for rushing in and out of your Presence so quickly in the past — making my demands and insisting on those things I need, but not taking enough time to fellowship with You and meet Your need to be with me. I am so sorry for the times I’ve been in such a hurry that I neglected spending time with You. Starting today, I want to change my daily schedule so I can spend time in Your Presence and come closer to You than ever before!

I pray this in Jesus’ name!

My Confession for Today

I confess that spending time with God is the highest priority in my life. This time with Him is not an option in my life. He wants to give me all the wisdom and answers I need, but first I must meet His requirement to come close to Him. When I get right next to God, He is obliged to open His hand and show me everything I need to see. I live continually in His Presence; therefore, no form of darkness or ignorance nor any defect in my character can remain in my life!

I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!

Questions to Answer

1. Do you spend time in the Presence of God each day? If a friend asked you to describe the quiet time you spend with the Lord every day, how would you go about describing it?

2. How much time do you spend alone with God each day? What do you do during this time? What results have you experienced in your life because of the daily quiet time you spend with the Lord?

3. What is the best time of the day for you to spend with God in order to avoid being interrupted by other people or by the constant ringing of the telephone?

If You Lack Wisdom

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
— James 1:5

Have you ever had a time in your life when you needed answers for a problem you were facing, but it seemed that you just couldn’t come up with the right solution? Even though you tried hard to figure things out, did it seem like the right answer to your problem kept eluding you?

In our own ministry, I have found myself baffled in this way on several occasions. When I face one of those moments, I claim James 1:5 and go to God for wisdom. I have even brought our top leadership together so we could corporately pray to get God’s wisdom on how best to confront and conquer the challenge we were facing.

James 1:5 promises that if we will go to Him when we need wisdom, He will give us the answers we need! This verse says, “If any man lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”

If you’ve ever faced a time when you lacked:

• Wisdom about how to pay your bills;
• Wisdom about how to deal with debt;
• Wisdom about how to reverse a decline you were experiencing in your business;
• Wisdom about how to resolve challenges with your children;
• Wisdom about how to fix things between you and your spouse;
• Wisdom about how to get along with your boss or fellow employees;
• Wisdom about how to make key decisions that affect your future — then the word “lack” in James 1:5 perfectly describes you!

You see, the word “lack” is the Greek word leipo, a Greek word that pictures a deficit of some kind. In our modern-day language, we might call this a shortfall, a shortage, a scarcity, or a deficiency. For instance, people often speak of a “shortfall” of finances. When they experience such a financial shortfall, it greatly impairs their ability to do business as necessary. Or when a city experiences an electrical blackout, they experience a “shortage” of electrical power. This kind of shortage paralyzes the whole city and has a powerfully negative effect on people’s lives.

For example, when my family first moved to the Soviet Union at the end of the Soviet period of Perestroika, there was a scarcity or deficit of almost every kind of product. For instance, it was very problematic to find sugar, flour, eggs, milk, butter, meat, and gasoline to purchase. We would search store after store, trying to find these nearly non-existent products. If items did suddenly become available, the news raced across the city so fast that long lines of people almost instantaneously formed around the store and down the street. Citizens would stand in those lines for hours at a time, clinging to the hope that there would be enough of these products to last until they reached the front of the line. However, those at the end of the lines usually went home disappointed, for whenever a product did suddenly become available, it usually arrived in very small quantities.

In fact, if a person didn’t have in his possession the government-issued “ration coupons” necessary to obtain these basic products, he couldn’t purchase them at all. Once a person’s monthly supply of those coupons were used up, it was impossible for him to go back to the store to get more until the next month. Thus, when a person’s coupons ran out, so did his ability to get any of these basic essentials. This meant that people were very careful about how they used sugar, flour, eggs, milk, butter, meat, and gasoline.

This was life when I first moved my family to the USSR. The system was economically broken, and the scarcity or deficit that existed was so far-reaching, it affected the entire nation. I can tell you from personal experience that when this kind of scarcity exists, it has a great effect on one’s ability to live and to function normally.

These kinds of scarcities and deficits could be described by the Greek word leipo, which is translated “lack” in the King James Version of James 1:5. But the “lack” James is referring to is not sugar, flour, eggs, milk, butter, meat, or gasoline. James says, “If any of you lack wisdom.…”

A lack of “wisdom” is the most devastating kind of deficit a person or nation can face, for wisdom has the answers, the solutions, and the principles that are needed to reverse any situation and turn it around for the better. A person is at a great disadvantage when he is void of wisdom about how to pay his bills and conquer debt; how to reverse a decline in his business; how to resolve challenges with his children, his spouse, his boss, or his coworkers; or how to make key decisions that will affect his future. When a person lacks this kind of wisdom, it nearly paralyzes him, because he doesn’t know what to do!

When James says, “If any of you lack wisdom,” the word “wisdom” is the Greek word sophias. This word sophias could describe enlightenment, insight, or even special insight.

Just because someone has a university degree doesn’t mean he possesses wisdom. I assure you that there are many stupid university graduates in the world. Although they are intellectually bright and have diplomas hanging all over the walls of their homes and offices, many of them have an approach to life that is totally impractical and fruitless. They theorize all day long but never get anything done. On the other hand, there are many down-to-earth people who never had the privilege of going to college but possess so much wisdom that they’ve become very successful in life.

You need to treat education like it is important, for it definitely is. However, you also need to understand that having an education is not the equivalent of having wisdom. Education gives you information and facts; but wisdom gives you principles, solutions, and answers. Wisdom gives you special insight that helps you know what to do. Wisdom contains the principles that will lead you out of that baffling situation and into a place where things begin to work again! Wisdom guides you to do what is right. Man has education; but God has wisdom.

Are you experiencing a time in your life right now when you need wisdom about a particular situation? Even though you’ve studied and tried to find solutions on your own, have those solutions been evading you? If so, it’s time for you to get a good dose of wisdom from on High! That’s why James says, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God.…”

The word “ask” is the Greek word aiteo. As noted earlier (see March 23), the word aiteo means to be adamant in requesting and demanding assistance to meet tangible needs, such as food, shelter, money, and so forth. This person may insist or demand that a certain need be met, but he approaches his superior with respect and honor as he makes his very strong request. The word aiteo also expresses the idea that the one asking has a full expectation to receive what has been firmly requested.

When James tells us to “ask” God for the wisdom we need, the Greek tense used is a command. This plainly means God isn’t suggesting that we come to Him for wisdom; He is commanding us to do so!

When these words are used together in one phrase, it could be translated:

“If anyone lacks insight, let him firmly request it.…”
“If anyone has a shortage of wisdom, he should demand it.…”
“If anyone is baffled and doesn’t know what to do, he should be bold to ask.…”

You see, God wants you to come to Him for wisdom first instead of trying to figure things out on your own. Instead of relying on your education and the books on your shelf to give you the answers you need, go to God first and firmly ask Him for wisdom. Approach Him with respect and honor, but also be bold. As a child of God, you have a right to request wisdom from God when you need it!

When your mind is suddenly enlightened and you miraculously see exactly what you need to do or what steps you need to take, those problems that have seemed so mountainous will melt before you. You see, your biggest problem is not the one that is staring you right in the face. Your biggest problem is your lack of wisdom about how to deal with that situation.

So rather than continue to struggle in your own strength, why don’t you go to God and ask Him to give you the necessary wisdom to conquer the situation you are facing in your life right now? As a child of God, you have every right to ask Him. In fact, God commands you to come to Him when you lack wisdom! So take a few minutes today to obey that command. Ask God to give you the wisdom you need!

My Prayer for Today

Lord, help me to come to You when I find myself lacking answers about situations that need to be changed in my life. When I have done all I know to do and don’t know what else to do, remind me that every answer I need resides with You. Your wisdom holds the answers I am looking for; therefore, I am making the decision to come to You now so You can start speaking to me!

I pray this in Jesus’ name!

My Confession for Today

I boldly confess that I go to the Father when I need wisdom from above. He has the answers to all my problems, and He is standing before me, ready to help. God is on my side. He wants to help me. He is waiting for me to come into His Presence so He can give me the wisdom I need to confront and overcome every situation I am facing right now. God wants me to succeed, and His wisdom is what I need to achieve what is in my heart. So rather than try to figure it all out on my own, I run to the Father and ask Him for wisdom — and He is swift to give me the wisdom I need! 

I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!

Questions to Answer

1. When was the last time you drew near to the Lord and asked Him to give you the wisdom you need for the situations you were facing at that moment?

2. Have you gotten so busy that you often forget to seek God in your affairs?

3. If you suddenly received the answers and the wisdom you need for the situations you are facing right now, what kind of change would this bring to your life?

A Bitter Root Produces Sour Fruit!

Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.
— Hebrews 12:15

When a person becomes offended and doesn’t deal with that offense correctly, that bitterness often churns so long in a person’s soul that it turns into a root of bitterness. This is exactly what Hebrews 12:15 is talking about when it says, “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.”

The word “root” is the Greek word ridzo. It refers to a root, such as the root of a tree. These are roots that have gone down deep and are now deeply embedded. Therefore, the word ridzo often denotes something that is established or firmly fixed.

By using the word ridzo (“root”), God is telling you that if you don’t repent of bitterness and remove it from your life, it becomes deeply embedded in your soul. Once it becomes this deeply rooted in your soul, your negative opinion of the offender will become firmly fixed. As time passes, your thoughts of judgment against him will become more developed, rationalized, and established. That root of bitterness will become so firmly fixed inside you that your angry, judgmental thoughts about the person will actually begin to make sense to you.

When a “root of bitterness” gets this deeply embedded in your mind and emotions, it’s no longer just a “root” you’re dealing with; now you have a mental stronghold. That stronghold of bitterness will take a lofty position in your mind and emotions. From that position, it will then present a myriad of logical reasons to explain why you shouldn’t have anything else to do with that person and why you should keep your distance from him.

The word “bitterness” comes from the Greek word pikria. It refers to an inward attitude that is so bitter, it produces a scowl on one’s face. In other words, you become so inwardly infected with bitterness that you are outwardly affected in your appearance and disposition.

This “bitterness” is acid to one’s soul, and eventually it begins to surface. When it does, the fruit it produces is unkind, sour, sharp, sarcastic, scornful, cynical, mocking, contemptuous, and wounding. Bitterness has nothing good to say about the other person. In fact, it looks for negative things to say about that person in order to affect others’ opinions about him as well.

If you find yourself constantly saying negative things about someone who has offended you or upset you in the past, it may be that a root of bitterness is trying to grow inside your heart. If this describes you, it is essential that you grab hold of that root of bitterness through the act of repentance and rip those destructive roots clear out of your soul! If you don’t, the roots of bitterness will go down deep into the soil of your soul, and eventually you’ll be filled with the bitter fruit that bitterness produces.

If God’s Spirit has been trying to deal with you about a negative attitude you have toward someone else, pay attention to what the Holy Spirit is saying to you. Go get alone with God. Ask Him to put His divine hand into your soul and to extract that ugly growth that is trying to grow inside of you. God wants to liberate you, but it must begin with your invitation!

My Prayer for Today

Lord, I don’t want any bitterness to sprout inside me, so I am asking You to turn on the spotlight of the Holy Spirit and reveal any unforgiveness or resentment that might be lurking inside my heart. I know that the fruit of bitterness is very sour, and I don’t want that fruit to be a part of my life. So, Holy Spirit, I ask You to please show me every root of bitterness, and then help me rip it clear out of my soul!

I pray this in Jesus’ name!

My Confession for Today

I confess that I refuse to allow a root of bitterness to grow deep into the soil of my heart. The instant I recognize that a seed of bitterness is trying to sprout in me, I will grab hold of that root, and through the act of repentance, rip those destructive roots out of my soul. I choose to walk in forgiveness and to stay free!

I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!

Questions to Answer

1. Is there anyone against whom you have a root of bitterness right now? If so, who is that person? Is there a reason you’ve allowed bitterness to fester inside your soul? Don’t you see that it would be more healthy for you to forgive your offender and to walk free of those detrimental attitudes?
2. Is there anyone whom you have wronged and who now has a root of bitterness because of you? If yes, who is that person? What is stopping you from going to that person to ask him or her for forgiveness?
3. Which person comes to your mind as an example of someone who has been controlled by bitterness? When you think of that person and the bitterness that has dominated his or her life, doesn’t it make you want to be sure that bitterness never controls you?