Discovering Ruth
Q: Can God’s plan for my life change?
Denise’s Answer: First of all, thank you so much for your question! I want to start by stating that the answer is yes. The answer is yes because you have such a great salvation. In First Peter 1:18 and 19, the Bible says, “Knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things, like silver or gold, from your aimless conduct received by tradition from your fathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, as a lamb without blemish and without spot.” So to answer your question, “If someone have left God, will they be able to return to God’s plan after repenting?”, it’s an absolute yes because of how powerful your salvation is. You see, if your salvation depended on doing everything right, I don’t know if any of us would make it to Heaven. It’s something greater than just how we act or behave. Our salvation is based on what He did!
Let’s take another look at First Peter 1:18 and 19, which declares, “Knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible thing, like silver or gold, from your aimless conduct received by tradition from your faithers, but with the precious blood of Christ, as a lamb without blemish and without spot.” We were not saved by corruptible things or even by traditions. How are we saved? There is only one way — the precious Blood of Christ. That Blood was the perfect sacrifice. Notice it says, “…as a lamb without blemish and without spot.” Jesus was perfect — the perfect sacrifice for our sins. Let me ask you a question: When you came to Christ, did you think that God knew that you would mess up?” Do you think He knew that you could ever have doubt, be fearful, be angry, or hurt someone’s feelings? Of course He knew! But He gave his blood for you and me still. Not because we would be perfect. So why did He do it? John 3:16 gives us the answer: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” God didn’t save you because you’re perfect. God chose you — you didn’t chose Him! So when we mess up and repent, of course we can return to the plan that was created just for us from the beginning.
But what happens when we sin what we might call a “great sin.” We categorize sin, but God doesn’t. The Bible says if you sin in one offense, you’re guilty of the whole law (see James 2:10). No matter the sin you’ve committed, His Blood is still there and the Spirit of God is still there. And many times after we have messed up, it takes the renewing of our mind to believe what God has done for us. The flesh wants to condemn us — to tell us that we’ll never be able to move forward. Your flesh might say, “Well, you know God loves you, but you’ll never be able to do what was in your heart before.” That is the accuser of the brethren — that is a lie! But you have to renew your mind in the truth. You must remind yourself that your salvation is so great that you can fulfill the plan for your life, even after committing a great sin.
Discovering Ruth
Q: What should you do if your husband doesn’t let you cut your hair?
Denise’s Answer: Thank you for your question! Of course, I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you that some people have the ability to grow long hair, and it’s beautiful! Whenever I see women with long hair, I always admire them because when I tried to grow my hair long, it would always get too frizzy. So if you have long, beautiful hair, be thankful for that! And be thankful that your husband notices. The Bible tells us as wives, we should honor our husbands (see Ephesians 5:22)! Personally, I try to honor my husband with how I dress. I ask his opinion when I am choosing what to wear. Sometimes, I even give him little fashion shows! I will try on a few outfits and ask, “What do you think about this one? Or what about this outfit?” It’s fun, and I’m honoring my husband at the same time. I actually consider it an honor to wear an outfit that he likes because I’m pleasing him. Ephesians 5:33 says, “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” So if your husband prefers your hair long, I wouldn’t take it as an offense — I would take it as a compliment! Keeping your hair long is a form of honoring your husband, just like the Bible says. I hope this encourages you and answers your question!
Discovering Ruth
Q: One of my close friends owes me a big check. It’s been two years, and she still hasn’t paid me back. I don’t want to sin by being angry, and I don’t want an argument — if it were a small amount of money, I would just forgive her, but it’s a large amount that I just can’t forget about. Pastor, what should I do?
Denise’s Answer: I can’t tell you what to do, but if it’s already been two years, I would say you shouldn’t lose any sleep over this. Forgive this girl and sow this money. Let it go. Matthew 18 is an entire chapter on forgiveness in which Jesus compares forgiveness to debt.
The servant in Matthew 18 owed his master a lot of money. The servant came to his master and said, “ Have mercy on me! Please release me from my debt!” And the master forgave his debt of thousands and thousands of dollars. But after he was forgiven, a fellow servant owed him a very small amount of money. The fellow servant said, “Please have mercy on me! I can’t pay you.” The first servant put his hands around the fellow servant’s neck and said, “Pay me what you owe me!” in response. When he still couldn’t pay, he had his fellow servant thrown in prison! Do you know what the master said? He said, “I forgave you of so much. You asked me to forgive you, and I forgave you. Now your fellow servant, who owes you very little money, can’t pay you, and you put him in prison? Shouldn’t you forgive him because I forgave you?” I encourage you to read the entire chapter for a look at the full story.
When you forgive a debt, it’s like you’re giving it to the Lord. Say, “Lord, that person did me wrong. But I forgive her!” That’s giving it to the Lord! The Bible says what we give, He gives us back more. The Lord knows how difficult it is for us to five, but when we do, we are free! Great blessings are in store!
I know this is a very personal situation, but you don’t need to hang on to it any longer! Forgive your friend!
Irina’s Answer: One day, I was talking to a very good friend of mine about whether we need to forgive people’s debt or ask them to return the money, and she gave me some amazing advice — advice that I still use to this day! She said, “You know when people ask me to give them money, I ask myself if it’s going to be a burden for me if they never return it. And if I come to the conclusion that because of the amount, what they’re asking will be a burden, it doesn’t matter how close I am with that person or how much they’ve asked me, I will say no because I don’t want to lose that person as a friend.
If I give, I’m making a decision not to ask for that amount of money to be returned. It doesn’t matter whether they will pay me back or not. And in your case, you already gave that money, but trust me, life is going to be so much better and lighter if you decide that it’s okay if you never see that money again, and if they do return it, it’s a nice bonus! Say to the devil, Everything you have stolen from me will be given back seven times more! Ask God for His blessing and tell Him with an open heart how you really feel about this situation. I sincerely hope we helped you let it go and trust in the Lord to return to you seven times more than what the devil has stolen!
Discovering Ruth
Q: How do you deal with anger or irritation when your child is disobedient?
Irina’s Answer: Well, I think it’s a very common question for a lot of parents.
Denise’s Answer: I can’t tell you what to do. But I can tell you what Rick and I did in this situation when we were parents raising our three children. Paul was our firstborn — I think we made some mistakes at first with him because he was our firstborn, and you don’t really know what you’re doing with your first child.
At first, when Paul was being disobedient, Rick and I thought it was so cute, but, of course, it wasn’t cute — it was disobedient and disrespectful. It wasn’t until I read a book that encouraged me in the fact that it was loving to discipline my children that I realized this. Take the Ten Commandments, for example. One of them says, “Honor your father and mother…” (see Exodus 20:12). This is also the only commandment that includes a promise! Exodus 20:12 reads, “Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” In other words, it says if you’re obedient and respectful of your parents, you will live long and well on Earth.
When I realized these things, I thought, “Lord, I have to train our boys to honor me and Rick!” So, we began to discipline our children. When we spanked them for being disobedient, we always asked them afterward, “Why did we just do that?” And they would always reply, “Because you love me, and you want us to live a long time.” We would then tell them they were right and prayed together. That’s what we did, and I truly believe this helped them understand and honor their parents!
But to answer your question about getting irritated, Proverbs 16:32 says, “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” You never want to discipline your children in anger! When you discipline your children, you’re disciplining their flesh. The Bible says faithfulness is within them, so we’re just getting them back on the right track when we discipline them. The Bible also says that when you discipline them, it brings peace. The key is to discipline without anger or irritation. This is what God called you to do as a parent, so it’s important to do it without emotion but with unconditional love for them and their futures.
Another important thing to remember is that there’s no need to get angry at your children because they’re simply acting like children. You must learn to control yourself and your anger. Proverbs 15:28 says, “The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil.”
Here’s another example: when Rick and I’s boys were little, Rick was gone a lot. One day, the children got into a big fight — everybody was yelling at each other! So I put one child in the left corner, one in the right corner, and our last child in another corner of the room. I stood in the middle, saying, “Stay there and be quiet! I’m going to pray about what to do.” And when I received instructions from the Lord, I was at peace and had confidence. I didn’t discipline them out of anger or irritation but out of love for my precious children.
You have to train your children to be respectful and honorable! The Bible says in Proverbs 13:24, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” When I came upon that verse, I said to myself, “I love my sons, and I want them to live long lives.” It’s very important to have confidence in this area. Your children are not your enemy — they’re not trying to ruin your day! They’re just children, and you’re their parent! It’s important to follow what the Bible says in this area of disciplining your children.
Discovering Ruth
Q: How can a woman deal with age-related changes in addition to a healthy lifestyle?
Denise’s Answer: Thank you for your question! First of all, there are going to be companies that spend a lot of money on commercials and advertisements who want you to buy their products — that is true about any advertisement. My answer to you is to say, of course, I’m not a counselor, and I can’t tell you what to do, but here’s my opinion: If something like getting Botox or cosmetic surgeries is within your budget, and your husband is in agreement with you, I just suggest that you do research before making any decisions. If you want to do it, and everyone is okay with it, there’s no problem with getting those treatments! The Bible doesn’t say anything against it. But know this, if you start this kind of treatment, you will have to keep doing them. I know some women who do it when they go to a wedding, vacation, or special occasion. Sometimes, you just want to do something to look more pretty — that’s normal! It’s your choice to do what you want, and again, there’s nothing in the Bible that says it’s a sin. What is a sin is for someone who doesn’t do anything for themselves to look at others who do treatments or wear makeup with judgment. It’s not on your face, but it’s in your heart!
Irena’s Answer:
I think it’s natural for all women to have the desire to look prettier. I almost never hear from women that they don’t want to look nice or unattractive. Because if a woman loves herself, she likes to take care of herself. For instance, I like going for a massage. Even just letting yourself rest is taking care of yourself!
Of course, you should be wise about it. You have to stay within your family’s budget, and there will be seasons in life when you can’t afford it. The Bible says in Romans 14:5, “One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own mind.”
Another important thing to remember is to have your husband on board — you both need to be on the same page. God created us all perfect in His image, but all of us need to care of our bodies.
Discovering Ruth
Q: I live with a man and have a son from my first marriage. He is not accepting of my son at all. He said he loves me but hates my son. What should I do? My son is growing up and is now reflecting the attitudes portrayed by the man we live with toward himself.
A: Thank you for your question! First, the Bible says if you’re living with a man who isn’t your husband it’s fornication. Someone recently said to me, “Well, it’s so popular now to live with someone you’re not married to!” I thought to myself, “People have been getting married for centuries. Who are we to decide it’s normal to live with a man you’re not married to!”
Besides just living with a man you’re not married to, you say he tells you he hates your son. You do not want to marry any man who tells you he hates your son! As a mother, you have all this nurturing protection and love for your son. So if you continue to live with this man, or even marry this man. What would you be opening yourself and your son up to? I’m choosing to answer your question with this question. You must make a choice. Ask yourself, “What am I doing? Am I making the best choices for me and my son right now?”
Your son came from your body and therefore, your son has a part of you in himself. How can this man say he loves you but hates your son, who came from you? If you’re a Christian, think about what we just discussed and ask God for help. Say, “God, I need your help and I need your answers!” Humble yourself before God and do what He tells you to do. God loves you, and we love you too. We want you to make the right choices for you and your son. We will keep your family in our prayers!
Discovering Ruth
Q: Dear Denise, my husband isn’t a believer and won’t let me go to church. That’s the only reason I’m not going to church right now, but on other days of the week, I’m able to go to home groups and regularly talk with my Christian friends. I don’t tell my husband that I’m doing these things. I’m lying to him and telling him I’m going to see my mother or somewhere else. When I tell him the truth, he doesn’t let me go to church. It’s so hard to live like this, what should I do?
A: It’s clear you desire to be with believers, and that’s a great desire. I can also clearly see your desire to please your husband. I want you to read a testimony I think will be very helpful to your situation.
A long time ago, there was a woman who loved God with all her heart. Her husband wasn’t a believer either, and he forbade her from going to church. He would say to her, “If you go to church tonight, I will lock the door and you’ll have to spend the night outside in the cold.” But she still went to church, and when she arrived back home, sure enough, her husband had locked the door and she spent an entire night outside in the freezing weather. In the morning, he got up and let her inside, and the first thing she did was make him breakfast!
This woman loved her husband, but she wanted to honor the Lord and knew that she needed fellowship with her fellow believers. I don’t want to tell you what to do, but I want to tell you who this story is about. This woman eventually won her husband to the Lord with her lifestyle of faithfulness to both her husband and Him. Her husband’s name was Smith Wigglesworth, he was an evangelist decades ago and ended up raising at least 7 people from the dead! What a miracle!
I want you to read First Peter 3:1, which says, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.” Smith Wigglesworth would have never become the man he did if his wife never won him to the Lord by the conduct of her life. Again, I can’t tell you what to do. But you have the Holy Spirit in you if you’re a believer, and He can and will tell you what to do! John 16:13 says, “Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that he shall speak: and he will shew you things to come.” The Holy Spirit is going to guide you through this situation and tell you exactly what you need to do. My team and I will be praying for you!
Discovering Ruth
Q: Please pray for me. I want to build my own family, but am not married. How should I pray and what scriptures from the Bible should I stand on in my prayers?
A: Denise’s Answer: Thank you for your question! I think you’re not alone with this question. Let me tell you about the testimony of a dear friend of mine. She was 28 years old when she came to me and said, “I want to get married. I’m going to finish school, but my parents are pressuring me!” As she talked, faith came into my heart and I replied, “You know what? We’re going to tell the Lord. But not by telephone — we’re going to call your husband to you by faith! The Bible says to call things that be as though they’re not. With this faith in my heart, I called her husband to her, and two weeks later she started a relationship with her future husband! They have been married for several years and have three precious little girls. So the answer to your question is faith! There is faith involved! Not just saying, “I wish,” or “It would be nice.” No. If you call out to God by faith, He will answer!
Irina Beyris’ Answer: There are a lot of girls who come to our church to listen to Pastor Denise’s teaching about marriage. Sometimes we have girls who come and aren’t even married yet, but they want to be married and learn how to be a good wife in the future. When I pray over these women and girls who aren’t married, God often puts a word for them on my heart that God will give to their husbands by their hearts. During one class, as the six weeks of teaching went by, the girls who were single started dating and started practicing everything they learned like how to respect their partners or how to ask for forgiveness. After some time, we would even receive photos of their newborn babies! I think it’s a good desire to get married, but you were also asking about Bible verses. There are a lot of verses that would be great to pray on about the topic of marriage, but by faith, I believe God wants me to give you John 16:24, which says, “Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.” I want to encourage you to ask and thank God, and your heart will be full of God’s joy! In this verse, He is ensuring and filling you with His joy. I also feel led to give you John 15:7, which says, “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.” This is an important truth: If the Word of God abides in you, ask and you will receive!
Discovering Ruth
Q: Pastor Denise, what do I need to do if I feel spiritually empty inside?
A: What’s interesting about your question is that you asked, “…what should I do if I feel?” You will feel many things throughout your life, but I want to tell you something special about the Holy Spirit. When He came into your life, He came to stay. He came with His power and love, and even planted His fruits of the Spirit inside you — your joy, peace, petitions, and long-suffering — those are in your spirit! But your flesh, your mind, your emotions, and your will aren’t saved yet. Your spirit is but not your mind, emotions, will, or body. Therefore you’re going to feel things, and you might even feel emptiness. But if you’re born again, the Holy Spirit lives inside you! And you can use your spirit language to pray out mysteries through His power! Jude 1:20 and 21 says, “But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.” When you pray in tongues, you’re praying in the Holy Ghost, building up your faith, and keeping yourself in the love of God. That’s how you deal with emptiness!
Discovering Ruth
Q: I recently met a guy on a Christian dating app. He’s a Christian, and we have a lot of things in common — including the way we met Jesus. We have been conversing through FaceTime and texting for one and a half months. He’s serious and invested in our relationship. He tells me that he wants to fly to my city from America and wants me to meet his mother. We pray together and talk about God and many other topics. I’m concerned about this because he started talking about marrying me and moving to America very fast. Is this a good thing? How do I know if he’s my partner from God or not?
A: Deciding who you want to spend the rest of your life with is a very serious decision. Especially when you’re thinking about moving to another country to be with somebody — these are very serious questions, and you don’t want to make the wrong decision.
You need to know what you want. The part of your question that immediately caught my attention was where you said, “I’m concerned….” If you’re already having concerns about this relationship, this is not a situation you want to move into too quickly. For example, even though I knew Rick was to be my God-called husband, and he knew I was to be his God-called wife, we still had a time of engagement. And all three of our sons were engaged for at least one year before they married. Marriage is never something you rush into quickly!
This is especially the case when all you know about your potential husband is what he tells you about himself. Also, if I’m a friend of yours and he comes to dinner with us, he’s going to be on his best behavior, and you still won’t know exactly who he really is. Again, you have to know what you want. You don’t want to be pressured into making a decision — you want to make that decision out of a joyful and peaceful place in your heart. It’s also nice when you have your spiritual and biological mothers and fathers around you to have them in agreement with you about what you ought to do when deciding who to marry.
If you’re a believer, the Holy Spirit is inside you. According to John 16:13, the Bible says, “However, when he, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come.” Notice where it says, “…He will guide you into all truth….” Ask yourself, How important do I think marriage is? It’s pretty important, right? These are just the kind of decisions the Holy Spirit wants to help you make — He wants to guide you into the truth!
Let me give you an example. Before I married Rick, another man came into my life. I never had anyone pay attention like that to me before, and as a young girl, I loved the attention! I also had this terrible skin condition at that time, but for some reason, this man thought I was pretty, showed me kindness, and displayed interest in me. However, the Holy Spirit spoke to me right away, saying, He is not the right one, but I didn’t want to listen to the Holy Spirit. For six months I refused to listen to Him, but I eventually got the courage to talk to that man and tell him I couldn’t continue the relationship.
Why am I telling you this story? Because the Holy Spirit, God the Father, cares about all your decisions and doesn’t want you to make a wrong decision, especially one as serious as this. He promised you through His Word that He will guide you, but you have to be humble enough to listen.
Practically speaking, I’d say to you about this person you don’t know very well: Do not move quickly. I can’t tell you what to do, but I think wisdom says, Don’t move too soon, and listen to your own heart. You already said this situation began to concern you, so do not ignore that! God is not trying to keep something from you, He’s trying to protect and bless you.
I know of a certain story about online dating. I don’t have anything against online dating, per se, but I know one woman who developed an interest in a man on the Internet, and he seemed like the greatest thing ever. He eventually came over to meet her, and when he did, she immediately knew he was crazy, and she ran from him as fast as she could.
You want to make rational decisions, even though you have emotions that could try to sway you about the choice you should make. But especially when you get married, you have to make a lot of rational decisions. Marriage is a commitment to that other person, whether you feel romantic or not. Life is real. People have problems, and when you marry someone, you’re bringing all your faults and shortcomings into the marriage, and your spouse is bringing all his faults and shortcomings into the marriage as well. A successful, healthy, and happy marriage takes a real commitment. So you must think about what you’re doing, put your emotions aside, listen to the Holy Spirit, and make a rational decision.