Will My Fast Get Me Victory?
Discovering Ruth Q & A
Q: Does spiritual victory over sin depend on the physical severity of fasting? Is it necessary to completely abstain from food to “weaken the flesh” and receive victory?
A. No. Fasting is not a shortcut that twists God’s arm to give you victory. It is your sacrifice in your relationship with Him.
If you only see fasting as refusing to eat, then you’re just starving yourself. What makes fasting different is that you’re also praying and spending time with the Lord. It’s about making a more open place in yourself to hear from Him.
In Matthew 6:16-18, Jesus talks about fasting, and He tells us to take care of ourselves so that no one even knows we’re fasting except for God, who sees the secret things that we do. So we can see that to Jesus, fasting isn’t about following certain rules to get certain results, but it has to do with just us and God. It’s about our relationship with Him.
You see, God wants to give us the answers that we are looking for. He’s not trying to hold them back from us or make us starve ourselves to earn them, but He wants us to find those answers by coming to Him.
It says in James 4:8, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you,” and when you fast, that is what you are trying to do. You are not just abstaining from food, but you are using that time to come to Him with an attitude that says, “God, Your Bible says that You reward those who diligently seek You. I want to diligently seek You. I’m even going to fast and deny myself to focus on You. Lord, I’m looking for Your answers.”
I’ve fasted many times throughout my life: I’ve fasted for one day, for 40 days with liquid and vegetables, for 10 days, and I can tell you that in all those times, the Lord spoke to me and blessed me. It wasn’t about how long the fast was or how much I was giving up, but what mattered was that I was giving up food to make space to come to the Lord in prayer.
That step of drawing near is so important if you want to fast in the right way.
How Can I Trust God?
Discovering Ruth Q & A
Q: How can I practically trust God when my feelings scream that I can’t? Is this an emotion I need to grasp, a skill I can develop, or a daily choice I should make despite everything?
A. I think the answer to your question is that it really is a bit of all of those things.
Think about what it says in Proverbs 3:5: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.”
That is such a great description of how we’re supposed to handle trust in God. Our feelings and our thoughts are all part of our understanding, and this verse is saying that even when those things are saying that we can’t trust God, we have to choose not to lean on them.
This really is a practiced skill, friend. It’s a habit that we have to get into by choosing every day to trust God. For example, maybe you didn’t get enough sleep last night, so your understanding is saying, “Oh, I’m so tired.” That’s normal, but you don’t want to just stay there, because that would be leaning on the wrong thing.
Instead, you’ve got to develop the skill of trusting the Lord by saying to yourself, “Nope, I’m not leaning on my experiences. I’m not leaning on these emotions. By my own choice, I am going to trust in the Lord.”
I talked to a woman recently who told me about a time when God told her to just practice walking in His peace. She had life happening and thoughts and doubts coming into her head, but she made a choice every time to just meditate on the peace of God inside of her and say, “Lord, I’m turning from that thought or feeling. I’m not going to lean on my own understanding, but I’m going to trust in You.”
About two years after she started practicing this discipline, she received the horrible news that her husband had been tragically killed in a plane accident. In the natural, she should have been devastated, but all that practice from the past two years was like a fortress inside of her. Even the normal, natural grief that came over her could not match the power of the peace that was on the inside of her!
So to answer your question, it is a choice and a skill, and when you treat it that way, you are opening the door for God to build something on the inside of you that will not crumble when things get hard.
What If I Can’t Love God?
Discovering Ruth Q & A
Q: Is it possible to learn to love God, or is it a gift from above? What should you do if you feel incapable of love?
A. I really appreciate your question, and I want to encourage you that we can’t depend on our emotions. We have to depend on what the Bible says, to trust that what’s in it is true.
I remember many years ago, Rick and I were in a certain church where all the sermons were about salvation. Every Sunday, it was just, “Be saved! Be saved! Be saved!”
Of course, we do need to be saved, but as I was hearing that call every single week, in my sensitive little heart, I started thinking, “Maybe I’m not saved.”
On top of the repetition, the pastor would sometimes give examples of people who thought they were saved, but they really weren’t, and after hearing that for a while, I just had to say, “Lord, if I’m not saved, I don’t know what to do.”
Those were my feelings about my salvation, but friend, they were not the truth.
Think about what it says in 1 John 5:13: “These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life, and that you may continue to believe in the name of the Son of God.”
What I want you to see about this verse is that it doesn’t say anything about emotions or feelings. It only talks about these things that are written. It even tells us why they have been written: “that you may know that you have eternal life.”
Friend, God doesn’t want us guessing about if we have eternal life, so He tells us very clearly and directly through the Bible. When we look in His Word, we get to see what’s really true, even when our feelings don’t match it.
I’m telling you all this because I want you to understand that even if you don’t feel like you’re able to love God or pursue Him, that’s not what the Bible says. Actually, it sounds to me like you really are hungry for God, because you’re asking this question.
So what you need to be doing is finding scriptures and resources that will tell you the truth about who you are in God. Be encouraged that you can trust in that truth instead of in your feelings.
Is There Repentance Without Baptism?
Discovering Ruth Q & A
Q: When John the Baptist talks about “baptism unto repentance” and “worthy fruit,” is he saying that repentance is incomplete without water baptism?
A. No, and we have a prime example of this in the thief on the cross.
First I want to point out how this thief addressed Jesus. The thief on the other cross was blaspheming and mocking Jesus like the rest of the crowd, but in Luke 23:42, this second thief said, “Lord….” He addressed Jesus with honor, and then he said, very humbly, “Remember me when You come into your kingdom.”
He called Jesus Lord, and Jesus responded to that humble attitude and recognition by saying, “Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise” (Luke 23:43).
Jesus didn’t say, “Confess your sins so that you can be with Me.” He didn’t say, “I’m going to sprinkle water on you so you can be saved.” He didn’t say anything about that man’s actions or his ability — redemption is just so powerful that Jesus could simply say to that man, “You will be in Paradise with me.”
That is just so powerful. Friend, aren’t you grateful that your redemption doesn’t have anything to do with you trying to be good enough? It only has to do with how great and powerful and merciful He is.
I heard about one man who was 92 years old when he repented of his sins and received Jesus, and when that happened, he even had a vision. Then a little time passed, and he fell into a coma and died shortly afterward.
He was never able to get baptized, but does that mean he wasn’t saved? No, friend, he was saved, because it’s not about baptism.
Now, I am all for water baptism. I believe that if you get saved and nothing physically prohibits you from being baptized in water, then you should do it. It’s a powerful symbol and declaration, and the Bible does command us to take part in it. But what I want you to understand about this is that it’s not the baptism that saves you — it’s your faith and trust in Jesus, just like we see from that broken man on the cross next to the Savior.
Can I Make Promises
to God?
Discovering Ruth Q & A
Q: Is it possible to make promises to God to fulfill something or refrain from something?
A. It’s really all about your heart.
Some people make promises to God, but they don’t really mean it. It’s similar to how many people treat New Year’s Eve resolutions. Someone might say, “I’m never going to eat another piece of cake again. No sugar or white flour will pass these lips. I’m going to be so healthy this whole year!”
But then on the 3rd of January, somebody brings her a cake, and she says, “Well, I have to eat this cake. It’s going to hurt my friend’s feelings if I don’t.”
That person really wasn’t committed in her heart to not eating cake, so she gave up on that promise the moment it got challenging. If that is the way you are making promises to God, then it really is empty, and it’s not going to mean anything no matter how many nice promises you make.
But on the other hand, we can be like Hannah. The one thing she wanted more than anything was a baby, and she prayed to the Lord, “O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a male child, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall come upon his head.”
She promised to give Him the thing she most wanted, and when that baby, Samuel, was born, she proved her commitment and handed him over to Eli and to the service of the Lord. Do you know what God did from that? He raised up a powerful prophet, and He even gave Hannah five other children after Samuel.
When we make promises to God, if we are committed in our hearts like Hannah, then we will keep those promises. What is even better is that when we do that, even when it seems like we are letting go of the most expensive thing we possibly can, He always gives back more. You cannot outgive God.
Can I Forgive Without Reconciliation?
Discovering Ruth Q & A
Q: The person who abused me is not remorseful and avoids contact with me. What does forgiveness mean in such a situation, where reconciliation is not possible and guilt is not recognized?
A. A lot of times when someone hurts or offends you, you can just settle it in your own heart.
You don’t have to say anything to anybody except the Lord: “Lord, I’m coming to You with this. Forgive me, Lord, for having bad thoughts about that person. I forgive them and release them to You.”
That prayer is between you and Jesus, and that’s just fine. You see, when someone really hurts us, we can get so caught up in those feelings that we forget that our feelings and the contents of our hearts are between us and God — nobody else is responsible.
In fact, Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be kind one to another, tenderhearted, and forgiving one another. Even as God through Christ has forgiven you.” It doesn’t say anything about the person who hurt you. It’s an instruction to us, that we keep our own hearts tender, and that we forgive as we’ve been forgiven.
In fact, sometimes we need to do more than just forgive them. Sometimes we hold onto those feelings, and they cause us to sin against the person who hurt us. I’ve counseled many women in marriage, and I’ve heard several amazing stories where a wife whose husband had hurt her or cheated on her was able to come to him and say, “Forgive me for how I’ve hated you in my heart and for how I’ve talked about you. I was wrong in those things. Please, forgive me.”
What is so amazing is that, more than once, that act of humble repentance opens up the door for the husband to say, “Why are you asking my forgiveness? I should be asking for that from you!”
Friend, forgiveness opens the door for God to move in our relationships. I’ve seen broken relationships restored. I’ve even seen divorced couples get back together because someone was able to admit where she was wrong and humbly ask for forgiveness — even from the person who had hurt her.
I know that sounds hard, and it is, but it’s not something we are expected to do in our own willpower. It’s not possible because we’re so good and wonderful — it’s possible because we have God’s power on the inside.
Friend, you can’t change that person who hurt you. You’re not responsible for whether or not they apologize or even feel guilty about what they did, but what you can do is say, “Lord, Your love is on the inside of me. You call me to forgive, and I submit, Lord. I recognize the power that you’ve given me on the inside.”
All that you’re responsible for your own heart, and He has already given you what you need to take care of that.
Have I Truly Forgiven?
Discovering Ruth Q & A
Q: Has a person truly forgiven if she keeps remembering the evil done to her?
A. I’m grateful for your question, because forgiveness is so important to God.
We see it in Matthew 6:14-15 when Jesus says, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
In Mark 11, Jesus talks about faith that can even make a mountain move, and in the middle of that, He reminds us, “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses” (Mark 11:25). Clearly this matters to Him.
Now, if you have already forgiven but still find yourself remembering the things you forgave, then I want to give you an encouragement and a warning.
First of all, just because you remember it doesn’t mean that you’re in unforgiveness. You can truly forgive a person and still remember the wrong things they did sometimes. Sometimes it’s even the enemy working to bring those thoughts to your memory.
What you need to worry about isn’t that you are getting reminded of these things but that you are not dwelling on them. When those thoughts come into your mind, you can start to think, “Oh, that’s right. I forgot that. I can’t even believe they did that. Why am I still so good and kind to that person?”
When you start rolling those thoughts over in your mind, then you put yourself in a place, even though you’ve already forgiven, where you are opening the door to unforgiveness again.
What you need to do is just keep shutting that door. When those thoughts come, you can say, “No! I set that person free, and I’m not listening to the devil’s thoughts. He is the accuser of the brethren, so I’m not listening to him!” You can instead choose to pray for that person who wronged you and bless them with your actions. You can pray, “God, don’t punish that person. Release them from that sin. In fact, bless them, Lord.”
God has given us the equipment to do that, so we do not have to lay victim to the unforgiveness and bitterness trying to rise back up in our hearts!
Can I Help My Husband Desire the Lord?
Discovering Ruth Q & A
Q: How can I pray for my husband so that he longs for God and is not spiritually cold?
A. That is a great question, and the Bible has wisdom for us on this subject, but the answer is actually not about what or how you pray.
To see what I’m talking about, consider 1 Peter 3:1-2, which says, “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.”
This verse is talking all about winning your husband to the Lord, but what it talks about isn’t prayer at all — what is most important is your conduct. It is true that you can pray for your husband, but this verse says that your lifestyle is the most powerful thing you have to lead him to God.
I have been counseling women for more than 15 years, and I can tell you that it is so important for us as wives to know when to keep our mouths shut. When you try to preach to your husband, correct your husband, or change your husband, none of it works — you waste your energy and end up feeling more and more disappointed.
Instead of getting dragged down by all those negative feelings and creating strife in your marriage, you can trust in what this scripture says. It is so clear that your husband will be won without a word.
Friend, this should be such a relief, because I’m sure many of us know that our husbands are not always listening to us. But this verse says, “when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.” Your husband might not be listening, but he is definitely watching you, so you don’t have to be frustrated — just make sure he’s seeing the right things.
Of course you need to pray that he will live for and desire the Lord, but the way you live is what will be so powerful in making those prayers manifest. How you love, how you serve, how you take care of your home, and how you take care of yourself — this is the equipment that God says you should use.
Why Am I Lonely in Church?
Discovering Ruth Q & A
Q: Why do some Christians, despite the support and community of the church, feel lonely and unhappy? What internal contradictions or personal difficulties might be behind this?
A. We might not realize it, but sometimes loneliness is just coming from inside of us.
When I was a young woman, I was going to this huge church in Huston, Texas, and I can remember a moment when I was standing in that church with hundreds of people standing around me — and I felt so alone. I thought, “Denise, look at all these people. Why are you so lonely?”
You see, I had people around me, but I was afraid. I didn’t know a soul in that church, and I could have stayed in that same situation — feeling sorry for myself, staying inside of myself — but I had to make the decision to step out instead. I thought, “You know what? I’m going to serve. I’m going to serve somewhere in this church.” So I joined the choir, and I started getting to know people.
Friend, you’ve got to be careful about what you decide to believe about yourself. The Bible says “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). If I had decided to believe, “I’m just a lonely person,” then I wouldn’t have stepped out of myself — and chances are that in that big, big church, nobody else would’ve come up to me and said, “Oh, you look so lonely. You look like you need a friend.” Sometimes that happens, but most of the time it doesn’t, so I would have just stayed lonely.
And we aren’t the only ones who lose when we stay in ourselves. When you don’t reach out to others, the gifts and talents you have never get given out to them. They never receive the blessing that you could have been to them.
For a long time, I was afraid to give what the Lord had put in me, but then I heard someone say, “If you don’t give what you have, what is going to happen to that person who needed what you have?” Of course, I didn’t want to hold back something good from somebody else, so I stepped past that barrier and started giving what I had.
Oh, friend, the Bible says that “the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable” (Romans 11:29). That means that He never takes them back. God believes that what He gave you is so powerful that He says, “I gave that to her, and I’m not removing it.”
So if the gift is already there, then all you have to do is go humbly before God and say, “Lord, I’m going to do what you put in my hand to do.” Friend, I tell you, if you start doing that, you’re not going to be that lonely person anymore — you’re going to have a smile on your face as you serve those around you.
How Can I Be a Godly Parent?
Discovering Ruth Q & A
Q: How Can I Be a Godly Parent?
A. I want to start by saying that you want to be careful about controlling your children.
Even when they are little and need your guidance, you don’t want it just to be about controlling them. You want the reality to be that you’re using love to raise up a responsible child. If you’re still trying to control them when they’re 17 or 18, you’ll really have problems, because you’re either going to be disappointed or they’re going to submit to your control, and you will have stolen something from them.
That’s why we have to look to the Word of God. You will never be perfect, but I want to show you a few ways that you can make sure you are doing your best as a godly parent.
1: Speak the truth over your children
Friend, what you say is what you get.
If you say “My child is going to be difficult in her teenage years,” or “My child has so many problems that he’ll struggle to be anything,” then you’re going to start making decisions based on those beliefs, and your words and decisions will influence your children. All those hopeless things might actually come true — all because you prophesied them with your mouth!
But you don’t have to look at your children the way the world sees them. Look at your children through the Word of God. See that they’re a blessing to you (see Psalm 127:3), and declare that no weapon formed against them shall prosper (see Isaiah 54:17) and that the Lord will make them the head and not the tail (see Deuteronomy 28:13).
If you listen with your heart and speak with your mouth what God says about your children, then you can begin to declare their futures — not in a controlling way, but in a way that believes that no matter what path they take, they will love God, and He will take care of them.
2: Ask the Holy Spirit for help
Friend, if you lack wisdom as a parent, James 1:5 says, “…ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach.”
You see, if you’re born again, the Holy Spirit lives inside of you, and He is a teacher and a helper. When you don’t know what to do with your children, you can go to the Teacher and say, “I don’t know what to do here, but you’re my Helper, so help me.”
When you make that request of Him, you open the door for Him to come in and give you the wisdom to do what you need for your child.
3: Seek out sources of wisdom
Before I finish, I also want to remind you that there are many wonderful resources that you can make use of. Look to an older woman who has more experience than you do and let her speak into your life. Find good books about parenting or listen to preachers who speak on the subject — just make sure you are getting good knowledge! It will be worth it when your child grows up well because you took the time to search for the right answers.
Friend, God knows that being a parent is not easy, but He gives us so much help in the difficult places, so we never have to feel powerless as we raise our children.