Discovering Ruth Q & A  9-16-26

Q: I have encountered many people who are held back from God because of sins they have committed. For example, I’ve met women who have had abortions and think that they cannot be accepted by God because of it. What would you say to people who feel like this?

A:  The most important thing I want you to understand is that God wants to forgive you.

Look at what the Bible says in Colossians 1:19-20: “For it pleased the Father that in Him all the fullness should dwell,  and by Him to reconcile all things to Himself, by Him, whether things on earth or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of His cross.”

Friend, it’s not us feeling guilty or being so religious that reconciles us to God. These verses say it clearly: It’s receiving the peace that was bought for us through the blood of the Cross!

The next verses go on, “And you, who once were alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He has reconciled  in the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy, and blameless, and above reproach in His sight ” (Colossians 1:21-22).

Now, it’s human for us to want to make ourselves worthy. We always want to be the ones to do the work and make ourselves acceptable to God, but I hope that these verses show you that that’s just not the way it happens. The only way your sin is forgiven is through the body of Jesus’ flesh through death.

Going back to your original question, you mentioned abortion, and some people may have had an abortion, and now they think, “This is a pretty bad sin. Are you sure there is forgiveness for my sin?” Of course there is! There is forgiveness for abortion just like there is forgiveness for lying, stealing, worrying — any sin we could ever commit!

You see, the Bible says if we sin in one area, we’re guilty of breaking the whole law (see James 2:10). For example, I haven’t ever killed anyone, but I have broken other parts of God’s law, so that means I am just as guilty as a murderer, and it’s the same blood of Jesus that forgives us both. 

I want you to understand, friend, in God’s eyes, my sin isn’t any better or worse than yours — the price He paid to forgive us is no different! And because of that blood, we are able to be presented to the Lord as holy and blameless.

Friend, no matter how bad you think your sin is, His blood has made you beyond reproach in His sight!

 

Discovering Ruth Q & A  9-3-26

Q:   My teenage son started dating a girl who I think is a bad influence on him. He has moved away from God, and I don’t know what to do.

A:  First of all, you need to continue to love this girlfriend instead of judging her, but I would also encourage you that you can tell your son the truth. You can say, “I don’t agree with this. I love you, and I love your girlfriend, but I can’t bless what you’re doing. I didn’t raise you this way.”

Once you have made that clear, your job is just to pray. You know, James 5:16 says, “The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much,” and that tells us that our prayers have great power. 

This reminds me of some dear friends of mine and what happened with their daughter once. She was living with her Muslim boyfriend and was just in a place where she was so far from the Lord, but through this whole time, her parents would come and visit her. They would love on her and on her boyfriend, and behind the scenes, they were always praying for her, even though nothing seemed to be happening.

One day, the daughter called her mother, and as they were talking, the mother asked, “How’s your boyfriend?”

The daughter answered, “You know, Mom, that’s just not the right relationship for me.”

Friend, those parents didn’t quit believing. They kept praying and trusting God, and it brought their daughter out of that relationship that was pulling her away from God. In fact, now that daughter is married to a minister, and they have beautiful children.

That’s the power of not giving up. Think of the father of the prodigal son. The Bible doesn’t say how long he waited. It doesn’t say how long he prayed, but he didn’t move from his faith in God and his position of compassion. When that son finally came home, the Bible says the father ran to meet him and fell on the son’s neck.

That’s the compassion that God greets us with every day. He has compassion towards you and your child, and you can keep offering up your prayers in faith that He and His great power are at work in your child’s life, even if you can’t see it.

Discovering Ruth Q & A  8-26-26

Q:  I’ve heard you teach that a wife is not meant to be a “mom” to her husband, but what should I do if my husband seeks this role in me? He expects advice, instructions, and essentially ready-made solutions. What is the correct course of action?

A:  I can’t tell you what to do, but a very practical suggestion I would make is this: Stop giving advice, stop providing direction, and stop making decisions for him.

You are correct that you are not meant to have all these responsibilities put on you, because you are not the head of your house. Ephesians 5:23 says, “For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.”

The Bible is very clear that the husband is the head, so when your husband tries to put those responsibilities on you, you have the ability to say, “Dear, I’m not going to make that decision for you. I need you to make that decision. You are the head.” You have power in this marriage, and you can make the decision that you’re going to direct your husband in the right way. 

It might be difficult at first, but you have to recognize that you are doing it out of your love for him and your respect for his biblical position as the head of your home. You’re not doing it out of spite, but out of an attitude that says, “I’m going to encourage my husband to make these decisions and step into the way that God has set things up.”

The other thing that I would encourage you to do is just to pray. As you seek the right actions to take and words to say, you can stand on this scripture and say, “Lord, I don’t want to be the head in my family. My husband is the head, and Lord, I’m going to respect him as such.”

Even if you really don’t know what to pray, you can just ask, “Holy Spirit, help me.” Friend, the Holy Spirit has a job and reputation as a Helper, and He knows everything that you need. He knows your character and your desires. He knows everything about your marriage and your husband. He even knows why your husband’s depending on you instead of being the head of the family. 

When you call on the Spirit for help, He will come with all those answers. He will give you wisdom and patience, and He will show you what to do to encourage your husband’s growth.

Q:  You’ve taught in the past on a husband’s infidelity, but what does Scripture say to a husband if his wife is the one who has cheated? What should he do when faced with betrayal and a broken family?

A:  Friend, there’s no male nor female in Christ Jesus (see Galatians 3:28). The things that He says to a woman about forgiveness are the same things He says to a man, so as the husband, you have the same responsibility and command to forgive as your wife would have if you had committed adultery against her.

Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” I don’t see anything in there that says, “If you’re a man, you don’t need to forgive,” or “If you’re a woman, you can skip this command.” I see the commandment to both sexes.

I do want to remind you that if you choose to hold onto your offense and unforgiveness over this betrayal, it’s going to make it very hard to be married to your wife, because it’s going to do a lot of damage to your relationship.

When I think about the destructive effects of unforgiveness, I like to look at Matthew 18, where Jesus tells the story of this servant who was forgiven a great debt. He owed his master the equivalent of 10 million dollars, but the master chose to have mercy and forgive that servant.

But then what did that forgiven servant do? He went out, enjoying his freedom, and he saw another servant who owed him only $20, and he put his hands around that other servant’s neck and said, “Give me what you owe me!”

That other servant begged for mercy, but the first servant, who had been forgiven so much, refused to forgive, and he threw the other servant into prison.

Friend, that is a picture of what unforgiveness does. When we refuse to forgive, it’s like we’re throwing the person who wronged us into prison, and that means we’re taking the place of judge that belongs to God.

If you want to hold onto unforgiveness, I encourage you to stop and think, “What if God wants to change this person? What if He was working in this person’s heart, and then I threw her into a prison of the sin she committed against me?”

Don’t try to do God’s job, friend. You will just cause more damage and maybe even lose that relationship with your wife or whoever it is that wronged you. Remember that God forgave you much, and you have the power to forgive that person in the same way.

Q: How can I wisely respond to my husband’s foul language to preserve both the people around us and myself?

A: This can be such a hard situation, because no one likes to be told to change. It’s just not a pleasant experience, and if we don’t have the right hearts about it, it can lead to offense and damage in our relationships. Now, I can’t tell you what to do, but I can offer some biblical wisdom and a practical suggestion.

Ephesians 4:15 tells us to speak the truth in love, and that has to be the basis for whatever action you take.

To make sure you are doing that, I would suggest that before you speak to your husband, you write down everything you’re going to say. Think about if somebody was going to correct you about something and how you would want them to say it.

Personally, I think it’s important, especially in marriage, to start by saying, “You’re such a blessing to me. You do this, and you do that, and I love and appreciate you.” But you also want to speak the truth, so you’ll say, “…but when you do this, it hurts me.”

Just be honest, and then write those honest thoughts down so you can carefully choose your words before your husband hears them. Try to remove phrases that accuse or blame him, like, “Your actions make me do this or act like this.” You can also pray as you write. Just ask God to help you find the right words.

Let that written version of your words be your roadmap to the conversation so that you don’t let your emotions run away with you and cause you to say something that won’t help your husband receive correction.

That’s just a very practical suggestion I would offer you, but I also want to remind you to pray over your husband and his choice of words. Luke 6:45 tells us, “Out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks,” so what your husband is saying could be a sign that there’s something in his heart that God needs to touch. I’ve heard many testimonies of people whose mouths were so dirty before they got saved, but once they were saved, they couldn’t even say those words anymore.

Whether you choose to take my suggestions or not, I just want you to walk away from reading this knowing that you need to do whatever you do with love, honesty, and prayer. Those are the things that are going to keep you in God’s will for the situation.

Will My Fast Get Me Victory?

Discovering Ruth Q & A

Q:   Does spiritual victory over sin depend on the physical severity of fasting? Is it necessary to completely abstain from food to “weaken the flesh” and receive victory?

A.  No. Fasting is not a shortcut that twists God’s arm to give you victory. It is your sacrifice in your relationship with Him.

If you only see fasting as refusing to eat, then you’re just starving yourself. What makes fasting different is that you’re also praying and spending time with the Lord. It’s about making a more open place in yourself to hear from Him.

In Matthew 6:16-18, Jesus talks about fasting, and He tells us to take care of ourselves so that no one even knows we’re fasting except for God, who sees the secret things that we do. So we can see that to Jesus, fasting isn’t about following certain rules to get certain results, but it has to do with just us and God. It’s about our relationship with Him.

You see, God wants to give us the answers that we are looking for. He’s not trying to hold them back from us or make us starve ourselves to earn them, but He wants us to find those answers by coming to Him.

It says in James 4:8, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you,” and when you fast, that is what you are trying to do. You are not just abstaining from food, but you are using that time to come to Him with an attitude that says, “God, Your Bible says that You reward those who diligently seek You. I want to diligently seek You. I’m even going to fast and deny myself to focus on You. Lord, I’m looking for Your answers.”

I’ve fasted many times throughout my life: I’ve fasted for one day, for 40 days with liquid and vegetables, for 10 days, and I can tell you that in all those times, the Lord spoke to me and blessed me. It wasn’t about how long the fast was or how much I was giving up, but what mattered was that I was giving up food to make space to come to the Lord in prayer.

That step of drawing near is so important if you want to fast in the right way.

How Can I Trust God?

Discovering Ruth Q & A

Q:  How can I practically trust God when my feelings scream that I can’t? Is this an emotion I need to grasp, a skill I can develop, or a daily choice I should make despite everything?

A.  I think the answer to your question is that it really is a bit of all of those things.

Think about what it says in Proverbs 3:5: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.”

That is such a great description of how we’re supposed to handle trust in God. Our feelings and our thoughts are all part of our understanding, and this verse is saying that even when those things are saying that we can’t trust God, we have to choose not to lean on them.

This really is a practiced skill, friend. It’s a habit that we have to get into by choosing every day to trust God. For example, maybe you didn’t get enough sleep last night, so your understanding is saying, “Oh, I’m so tired.” That’s normal, but you don’t want to just stay there, because that would be leaning on the wrong thing.

Instead, you’ve got to develop the skill of trusting the Lord by saying to yourself, “Nope, I’m not leaning on my experiences. I’m not leaning on these emotions. By my own choice, I am going to trust in the Lord.”

I talked to a woman recently who told me about a time when God told her to just practice walking in His peace. She had life happening and thoughts and doubts coming into her head, but she made a choice every time to just meditate on the peace of God inside of her and say, “Lord, I’m turning from that thought or feeling. I’m not going to lean on my own understanding, but I’m going to trust in You.”

About two years after she started practicing this discipline, she received the horrible news that her husband had been tragically killed in a plane accident. In the natural, she should have been devastated, but all that practice from the past two years was like a fortress inside of her. Even the normal, natural grief that came over her could not match the power of the peace that was on the inside of her!

So to answer your question, it is a choice and a skill, and when you treat it that way, you are opening the door for God to build something on the inside of you that will not crumble when things get hard.

What If I Can’t Love God?

Discovering Ruth Q & A

Q:   Is it possible to learn to love God, or is it a gift from above? What should you do if you feel incapable of love?

A.  I really appreciate your question, and I want to encourage you that we can’t depend on our emotions. We have to depend on what the Bible says, to trust that what’s in it is true.

I remember many years ago, Rick and I were in a certain church where all the sermons were about salvation. Every Sunday, it was just, “Be saved! Be saved! Be saved!” 

Of course, we do need to be saved, but as I was hearing that call every single week, in my sensitive little heart, I started thinking, “Maybe I’m not saved.”

On top of the repetition, the pastor would sometimes give examples of people who thought they were saved, but they really weren’t, and after hearing that for a while, I just had to say, “Lord, if I’m not saved, I don’t know what to do.”

Those were my feelings about my salvation, but friend, they were not the truth. 

Think about what it says in 1 John 5:13: “These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life, and that you may continue to believe in the name of the Son of God.”

What I want you to see about this verse is that it doesn’t say anything about emotions or feelings. It only talks about these things that are written. It even tells us why they have been written: “that you may know that you have eternal life.”

Friend, God doesn’t want us guessing about if we have eternal life, so He tells us very clearly and directly through the Bible. When we look in His Word, we get to see what’s really true, even when our feelings don’t match it.

I’m telling you all this because I want you to understand that even if you don’t feel like you’re able to love God or pursue Him, that’s not what the Bible says. Actually, it sounds to me like you really are hungry for God, because you’re asking this question.

So what you need to be doing is finding scriptures and resources that will tell you the truth about who you are in God. Be encouraged that you can trust in that truth instead of in your feelings.

Is There Repentance Without Baptism?

Discovering Ruth Q & A

Q:  When John the Baptist talks about “baptism unto repentance” and “worthy fruit,” is he saying that repentance is incomplete without water baptism?

A.  No, and we have a prime example of this in the thief on the cross.

First I want to point out how this thief addressed Jesus. The thief on the other cross was blaspheming and mocking Jesus like the rest of the crowd, but in Luke 23:42, this second thief said, “Lord….” He addressed Jesus with honor, and then he said, very humbly, “Remember me when You come into your kingdom.”

He called Jesus Lord, and Jesus responded to that humble attitude and recognition by saying, “Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise” (Luke 23:43).

Jesus didn’t say, “Confess your sins so that you can be with Me.” He didn’t say, “I’m going to sprinkle water on you so you can be saved.” He didn’t say anything about that man’s actions or his ability — redemption is just so powerful that Jesus could simply say to that man, “You will be in Paradise with me.”

That is just so powerful. Friend, aren’t you grateful that your redemption doesn’t have anything to do with you trying to be good enough? It only has to do with how great and powerful and merciful He is.

I heard about one man who was 92 years old when he repented of his sins and received Jesus, and when that happened, he even had a vision. Then a little time passed, and he fell into a coma and died shortly afterward.

He was never able to get baptized, but does that mean he wasn’t saved? No, friend, he was saved, because it’s not about baptism.

Now, I am all for water baptism. I believe that if you get saved and nothing physically prohibits you from being baptized in water, then you should do it. It’s a powerful symbol and declaration, and the Bible does command us to take part in it. But what I want you to understand about this is that it’s not the baptism that saves you — it’s your faith and trust in Jesus, just like we see from that broken man on the cross next to the Savior.

Can I Make Promises

to God?

Discovering Ruth Q & A

Q:   Is it possible to make promises to God to fulfill something or refrain from something?

A.  It’s really all about your heart.

Some people make promises to God, but they don’t really mean it. It’s similar to how many people treat New Year’s Eve resolutions. Someone might say, “I’m never going to eat another piece of cake again. No sugar or white flour will pass these lips. I’m going to be so healthy this whole year!”

But then on the 3rd of January, somebody brings her a cake, and she says, “Well, I have to eat this cake. It’s going to hurt my friend’s feelings if I don’t.”

That person really wasn’t committed in her heart to not eating cake, so she gave up on that promise the moment it got challenging. If that is the way you are making promises to God, then it really is empty, and it’s not going to mean anything no matter how many nice promises you make.

But on the other hand, we can be like Hannah. The one thing she wanted more than anything was a baby, and she prayed to the Lord, “O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a male child, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall come upon his head.”

She promised to give Him the thing she most wanted, and when that baby, Samuel, was born, she proved her commitment and handed him over to Eli and to the service of the Lord. Do you know what God did from that? He raised up a powerful prophet, and He even gave Hannah five other children after Samuel.

When we make promises to God, if we are committed in our hearts like Hannah, then we will keep those promises. What is even better is that when we do that, even when it seems like we are letting go of the most expensive thing we possibly can, He always gives back more. You cannot outgive God.